1.31.2005
Fucking technology
So last night we spent two hours compiling a mix for me to take to the gym. I wanted pounding songs that will make my ass work harder than it wants to, with slightly more mellow songs layered in, and I think we achieved it. At 11:30 Joe burned it and we tried it out in both his discman and mine, but all they did was make sputtery noises and say "no disc" even though it worked fine in the computer, in the car this morning, and on my computer right now. Maybe it's getting time for me to join the mp3 era.

If I have time today, I might try burning it again at work. Either way, here's what's on it:

Jimmy Eat World - Bleed American
U2 - Vertigo
Pearl Jam - Save You
The Strokes - Reptilia
Guster - Red Oyster Cult
Nirvana - Breed
Sublime - Same in the End
Green Day - Holiday
Letters to Cleo - Pizza Cutter
The Killers - Somebody Told Me
New Order - True Faith
The Stills - Still in Love
The Bangles - Hazy Shade of Winter
Jimmy Eat World - A Praise Chorus
Dropkick Murphys - The Gauntlet
Bad Religion - Generator
Bruce Springsteen - Further On (Up the Road)
Eddie Vedder & Zeke - I Believe in Miracles


1.27.2005
physics = hard
I'm really into a book right now called A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. One of my resolutions was to "read better books" and this definitely counts. Bryson is a travel writer but with this effort he assumed the task of making science--fathomless, mind-bending, Stephen Hawking-league science--graspable to English majors like me. The book starts with the creation of the universe and takes off from there, taking on all the big questions and delving into all of the natural sciences: astronomy, physics, chemistry, biology, geology, paleonology, alchemy, anatomy, you name it.

So far it's interesting and doesn't read like a textbook at all. The first chapter about the creation and scope of the universe was fascinating, especially the comparisons he uses to try to provide a sense of scale. Like, if Earth was the size of a pea, Pluto would be a mile and a half away. And if you filled up the Boston Garden with peas, that's how many galaxies there are in the universe. Now I'm on to the history of early theories and discoveries and it's a bit less fascinating... no matter how talented a writer one is, dead scientists will always be dull.

From the reviews I read online, it sounds as if you can skip through the chapters to get to the good stuff but that's pussying out. I may never read certain chapters again but I will definitely read them all, in order, the first time. I'll see you in about a week.


We rule
I didn't even mention about the Patriots going to the Superbowl again this year! They bulldozed the Colts and the Steelers, paralyzing the two best QBs in the NFL, and will do the same to the Eagles next Sunday. Of course, we've always known that Boston kicks ass, and don't need world championships to validate it, but it is still exciting. The buzz, the camaraderie, the emotional roller coaster. It's very weird, the psychology of winning and losing, and the value we place on a bunch of guys who happen to wear the colors of the organization that pays them the most.

I hope the Superbowl is close this year. It probably won't be because Philly is so ridiculously outmatched, but the best thing about football is the strategy. I used to think it was the violence, but watching a guy stomp on an opponent's throat is not as exciting as seeing a brilliant fake, a zig-zag run, or a successful block.

Watching the Sox this year is going to be interesting. Opening day against the Yankees and the ring ceremony will be a mixed bag: I'll feel pride, obviously, but there's going to be a lot of sore winners in the crowd and I'm not looking forward to that. Thanks a lot, new schedule designers, you are some clever, clever bitches. After that they'll probably have a typical season--solid until the break, choke in August, rally in September--and we'll be critical of their play and of their salaries as usual. Except now we'll have a pretty new banner hanging on Yawkey Way, and we will always be properly thankful for it.


1.24.2005
Vegetables
It's no wonder people don't eat vegetables... they don't have any flavor. I had a dish of cucumber slices as part of my lunch and they tasted weird. I didn't use dressing, figuring I could just snack on them plain, but they tasted like a combination of every other vegetable in the salad bar. No cucumber flavor at all. I ate them anyway, but I chewed them up quickly and then drank a bunch of water after each one. I usually love cucumbers; I actually felt bad not liking these ones because I think they were mistreated.

I wish it was possible to get good vegetables without growing them yourself. Organic ones are better than run of the mill grocery store ones, but organic tomatoes still don't have that earthy, sun-soaked flavor that ones out of the garden do. People would eat more simple, non-drenched in honey-mustard dressing salads if there was quality produce in them. I get pissed when I go to a restaurant and I get a salad full of what is clearly generic bagged crap: white iceberg lettuce, shredded carrot, and shredded purple cabbage, with a couple anemic tomato slices. That's why I always get Caesars, because at least the leaves are greener if you can work around all the stems.

On a different note, there's 2+ feet of snow on the ground after a Top 5 snowfall. The most amazing part of the storm, I think, was waking up early Sunday morning and feeling completely enshrouded. By then it had snowed about 18 inches, and we still had blizzard conditions until noontime, and the sun was obscured, so it was like the whole world was tucked into this daytime twilight. And it was so quiet... everything so cushioned you could practically hear the flakes falling.

Except, of course, for when my butchy neighbor was out snowblowing, which she did every six inches, which means she was out there at least four times. I don't get people who can't sit back and enjoy a storm like that. You can't control it, so you might as well let it do its thing and then marvel at the sight in the morning. No, not her - she cleaned her car off and shoveled the first time on Saturday night! Like there wasn't going to be a a foot and a half there in the morning. She probably set her alarm for 3:00 a.m. to stay ahead of it. For Christ's sake, lady, watch a movie! Play with your dog! Or your girlfriend!


1.21.2005
Nostalgic whiplash!
I just had the freakiest wave of nostalgia. It only lasted for a second but I seriously felt like I was my elementary school age self. I can't explain it. I felt like I had been in school and was going home to have a snack and play with Brian. I had a flash of the time that I was playing with my She-Ra doll under the big tree next to the driveway, building her a campsite/fort out of sticks and pebbles, and it kept me occupied for about 5 hours because I was so enamoured by the miniature world I created for her.

I loved that stuff... when I used to play Barbies by myself, I'd spend so long building her house and choosing everyone's outfits that I never really got around to playing. I never had or wanted a Barbie Dream House. I liked to make her house out of half Barbie furniture and half small things scrounged from around the house to make it more realistic, like a jewelry tray turned on its side to become a curio cabinet, a tiny crystal bud vase with flowers snipped from my mom's fake arrangements, and orange and yellow tissue paper to make a romantic fire.

I wish I had the same imagination I had 20 years ago. I'd have written ten books by now. Or be a crazy craft lady whose apartment is filled with themed dollhouses and cats.


1.17.2005
time warp
I am getting old, there is no way around it. Friday night we went bowling. Usually it's fun because we go to the place in Cambridge that has a bar and serves food and has ten pin upstairs and candlepin downstairs. But this time we went up to Woburn because we were meeting Beth and Craig halfway. The place was crawling with kids. There was a birthday party. There was atomic bowling with bumpers and blacklights. There was a normal section on the other side but it was full. So we were in the atomic section (they took down the bumpers), and it was chaotic and we couldn't have a conversation and the lights were distracting. Once you start worrying that atomic bowling is going to give you a headache, you're old.

Saturday morning I went to the gym. I had a good workout, and it was the first time this year that I did two sets of my strength routine. I did the second set after cardio because I remembered what my trainer said about having more power. I forget if she was talking about cardio or toning, but it worked. I also started putting a towel over the display on the treadmill; I've seen other people do it and not being able to see how much time is left or how hard the climb is going to get really helps. I forgot my headphones though, so I watched a scuba diving show on PBS for the visual appeal.

Saturday night we went out to dinner with Judy and Chris to celebrate Chris's one year of sobriety. We went to a Brazilian place in Brighton and it was fantastic. I burned my mouth on a fried banana and it burts like hell today, but the burn was worth it and so was cheating. Then we picked up Chris's mother and went to the AA meeting where people spoke on his behalf. His mom's tribute was really touching and emotional.

Yesterday we went over to watch the Pats game with Joe's friends from school. The guy who hosted and his two roommates live on Comm Ave between BC and BU and the place definitely looks the part of the college boy apartment: nothing on the walls except beer signs and a dartboard, no curtains, crappy couch, crappy coffee table, crappy kitchen table with mismatched chairs, huge TV and speakers, broken kitchen tiles, fridge full of cheap beer, random girls from upstairs coming down to visit, vaguely bad smell throughout. There was poker and quarters and a Playboy drink book and a full bar in the built-in china cabinet. The whole place brought me back about 8 years. Except the guys that live there? I think they're like 28 years old. They could stand to class up the joint a little... or get girlfriends, whichever comes first.




1.12.2005
Sigh of relief
So, last night we had the new neighbors over to discuss condo-y things. We got lucky--they seem very cool. They're a young, recently married couple who both grew up in Connecticut. They both have masters degrees; he's a scientist and she works for a publisher of Spanish-language books. It's weird to meet someone who tells you they're a "scientist." That can only lead to a million questions. Turns out he's an HIV/hepatitis researcher. Anyway, they brought a bottle of yummy beaujolais and we sat around the dining room table chatting and going over items in the condo agreement. They seem motivated to make outdoor improvements, like turn the backyard into a place where one might actually want to spend some time. So, we're keeping our fingers crossed that things will work out well with them.

One of my old college roommates called me last night! Steph and I were so close all four years of school--we met the first week of freshman year and built a friendship that was incredibly warm and supportive and easy. We've stayed in touch sporadically since then but the bond we used to have suffered immediately after graduation because I moved to New York. Back then she was married to a guy who was nice enough but very insecure and controlling. I resent him in the tiniest way because if she wasn't with him, she would have come to study in London too and that would have been AWESOME. Now she's remarried to a guy who is the polar opposite of her ex and she seems really happy. We've missed a lot of each other's lives over the past 5 years except for the big stuff (her weddings and divorce, my wedding) and I'm thrilled to be back in touch with her. I hope we can get together soon and actually keep our promise never to let so much time go by.


1.11.2005
Other stuff
Random thoughts over lunch:
1. The new season of the Surreal Life is seriously bizarre. Verne "Mini-me" Troyer is a perverted, scooter-riding freak and Chyna is huge and psychotic. Peter Brady, Jane Weidlin, and the two models seem okay. Da Brat lives up to her name; as soon as she got to the house she called her manager and bitched that she didn't want to live with "has-beens." Huh? When your people suggest you go on Surreal Life to jumpstart your career, what do you think that makes you? The best moment of the season premiere was, of course, when Mini-Me got wasted, but more specifically when he passed out: Peter picked him up like a baby and carried him to bed, and Marcus Schenkenberg followed riding the mini-scooter. Ha!
2. I found the best salad dressing: Hidden Valley Spicy Ranch. It's ranch infused with chile flavor and I love, love, love it.
3. Every day now I experience a moment where I painfully miss New York. I think it's seasonal... whenever things are boring or gross around here, like say, now until April, I start itching for change, and a visit usually does the trick. We visit Joe's dad, go to our old Brooklyn haunts, and hang out in the city. We reminice about all the things we loved and hated about living there, usually while on the subway, which perfectly represents both. Judy and Chris have expressed in going for a weekend, which I think would be awesome.
4. I still haven't won the house championship in Uno. I've got to be due for a landslide victory!
5. I didn't think Garden State was so wonderful, maybe because I've already heard so many people rave about it. I thought The Station Agent did a better job of taking weirdo loners and teaching them to interact.
6. Tonight we meet the new downstairs owners. I pray pray pray pray pray that they're cool.


Progress
Back in 2003 when I was kicking ass at Atkins I used to write everything down in a food journal. The journal's pages were numbered like Day 1, Day 2, etc. I got up to something like Day 150 when I had to stop using it, because it kept reminding me of how long I had been unemployed. But now that the stigma is gone, I think about how awesome it was that I got up to Day 150 at all. I really strive to do that again, and then some. So, today is Day 7. I haven't been following Induction perfectly, but I haven't done anything that I would consider cheating. I had some cashews. I had some low-carb pasta. I had some ricotta cheese. I did not, however, have any sugar or white flour, and that to me is what really matters. I also went to the gym 3x last week and kicked off this week by going last night. I've lost somewhere between 3-5 pounds. I'm not sure exactly how much because I didn't start off with a baseline. But I'm happy about it; I'm already in a better place than I was on December 31.

We booked the trip to ARUBA! It was scary clicking the final confirmation and committing that much money, but in my opinion, travel is always worth the expense. Plus we will have a fabulous time. We're going to a low-rise hotel on a quiet part of the island, and the beach looks absolutely amazing. I can't wait, it's only a month and a half away!


1.07.2005
Vacation
I am totally floating on the idea of going to ARUBA for vacation this year. I've always wanted to go there, and Joe and I promised ourselves that our next vacation would be of the beach variety, not the trek-around-Europe variety. The prices on Travelocity have always dissuaded me from seriously considering it, but I asked Carly about New Orleans this morning and she mentioned that she and Kevin are planning to go to Aruba, and it was such a trigger. She gave me the website she used, and the prices are not too evil, and now I'm being totally seduced by the idea of sugary beaches, aquamarine water, and golden tans. I can practically feel the trade winds on my skin.

The only tiny issue is that because Joe and I are slaves to the Northeastern academic calendar, we can't figure out when to go. We don't want to go during his spring break, because... it's spring break. We can't go the last week of April between semesters beause I have a 4-day training session the following week and can't be out. That brings us to July, after Summer I session. It's cheaper then, since peak season is December-April, though still a lot of money, and anyway we're getting to the point in our marriage where we may not be able to take a trip like this for a long time. We'll see what happens, but I already can't wait!


1.06.2005
Oooo, creepy!
Ugh. Day 3 of Atkins. I seriously don't remember these withdrawal symptoms the first time I did it: headaches, upset stomach, low-grade nausea. The website says these things are common the first week. The last few times I tried to get back on the wagon, this was the part where I gave up becuase I felt like shit. But I don't want to do that this time because I know there's glory on the other side of this hurdle, that fabulous point where your energy surges and you don't experience cravings so you feel like you could keep it up forever. Anyway, not there yet, but I have a Diet Pepsi and that's helping.

I want to see WHITE NOISE. I went on the www.aaevp.com website and listened to a bunch of creepy EVP recordings, including two of the ones they use in the movie. I'll have to see it in the afternoon so I'll have plenty of time to recover. The older I get the lamer I am about ghosts. I believe in the concept of a spiritual dimension, but I don't know why I walk around my house at night as if waiting for something to reveal itself to me. It's stupid. We went to Salem a few weeks ago and met a guy whose hobby is ghosthunting, and I asked him whether people who felt they were sensitive to the paranormal could somehow become a magnet for spirits who could sense that. He said "No, you're just jumpy." Oh, okay.

Last night I watched SMALLPOX, the docudrama about what would happen if a terrorist infected himself with smallpox and then went around New York touching strangers. It was freaky: the epidemic would spread worldwide, the number of victims multiplying exponentially, and ultimately 60 million people would die. Countries' infrastructures would collapse, making it difficult to distribute vaccinations. People would be forced into quarantine camps. It was scary, but still pretty good--realistic for a disaster movie. Not like that 10.0 one where they used nuclear blasts to "seal" the San Andreas fault but one of the warheads malfunctioned and a big chunk of California split off (impossible; every eighth grader taking Earth Science knows the San Andreas is a transform fault. I hate when Hollywood disses plate tectonics!) and the people stood on either side gawking at each other like idiots. I hope when that happened, Nick Lachey ended up on one side and Jessica Simpson ended up on the other. And I hope she was too dumb to ever find him again.


1.04.2005
Back at work
Now that I'm back at work I feel like I wasn't on vacation at all. How did it go by so fast? I hate how life fucks with you like that. So far it's an easy day though, people slowly rebooting and remembering how to do their jobs, and it's a short week, so that will keep me going. Having yesterday off was such a gift. I went to the Cambridgeside Galleria to look for workout clothes, in optimistic anticipation of going to the gym more often. Most of of the pants I tried on were too long, although I did find one pair of gray ones that were petite length. I had no luck with tops. I find T-shirts to be neither flattering (boxy and boob-unfriendly) nor comfortable (sleeves too long and don't stay rolled up), and tank tops with flimsy little straps, while fine for sleeping, are not fine for wearing in public and staring at oneself in the wall o' mirrors while lifting, so I'm looking for stretchy tank tops that provide good coverage. I think once the spring stuff comes in there will be more selection. Ok, gotta buzz.



1.02.2005
Whjat do you expcet on 4 huors of slepp?
I got about four hours of sleep and it feels like it. Lazy day. Joe goes back to work tomorrow, me on Tuesday. I'd like to get to the gym sometime during the day tomorrow so my first workout doesn't have to be after work with the million other people who resolved to get fit in '05. Today we'll probably just take down the Christmas tree, do laundry, and carb-load to get rid of the food in the house. We're also thinking about where to go on our next vacation; Joe has spring break in early March. Florida? New Orleans? Time to do some research.


Musings about 2004
I'm staying up all night! I have no idea why. I meant to go to bed after my last post. Oh well, here's a survey: 2004 In Review.

1. What did you do in that you'd never done before?
I quit my job by leaving a resignation letter on the boss's desk and walking out in the middle of the day.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions?
No, who does? But I joined the gym and that makes up for all of it.

3. What countries did you visit?
England, France, and Canada.

4. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
Motivation!

5. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 27, the day the Red Sox won the World Series, and October 30, the day of the Sox victory parade.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Wow, 2004 was slow on achievements. Umm... I watched Back to the Future parts I and II about twenty times each, and part III about five times.

7. What was your biggest failure?
I gained back some of the weight I had lost in 03.

8. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I randomly puked a lot this year for some reason. I had a severe cough that stuck around for weeks at the beginning of the year. Nothing major.

9. What was the best thing you bought?
The iPod speakers I got Joe for Christmas. The Guster ticket I gave Amy for her graduation.

10. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Judy and Chris, for achieving and maintaining sobriety. Carly and Kevin, for making the leap to cohabitation. Joe, for being awesome all the time.

11. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Terrorists, insurgents, Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, voters in red states.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage, clothes, Starbucks.

13. What song will always remind you of 2004?
"Vertigo" by U2, "Somebody Told Me" by the Killers, and "This Love" by Maroon 5.

14. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter
c) richer or poorer? Richer

15. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Doing stuff in the city, working out, writing.

16. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying about stupid work shit.

17. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve we went to my grandparents' house for the traditional Italian feast. Christmas Day we opened gifts at my parents' house and then went to my uncle's for dinner.

18. Did you fall in love in 2004?
No, but I stayed in love, so that's good.

19. How many one-night stands?
Oh, you know, the usual.

20. What was your favorite TV program?
Six Feet Under was good this year. The Apprentice was disappointing. The Surreal Life filled a shallow, shameful void. The Science Channel, What Not to Wear and endless hours of VH1 rounded out the weekends.

21. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
In theory I guess I hate that bitch from that job I quit, but truthfully I don't care about her or anyone else I could hate, who is like, I can't even think of anyone, that's how much I don't care.

22. What was the best book you read?
AMERICA the book by Jon Stewart.

23. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I discovered how much Rufus Wainwright sucks ass.

24. What did you want and get?
The chance to go back to London. A new car. A roadtrip.

25. What did you want and not get?
I wanted to laugh at J.Lo's third divorce, but alas I must wait a few more months.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?
Napoleon Dynamite.

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I saw Meet the Fockers with Joe and my sister. I turned 27.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
To have had an anonymous benefactor who gave us a shitload of cash.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
All year long, my workwear consisted of boot-cut trousers and light tops. In January I ruined my favorite gray trousers with a sugar-free chocolate stain. During summer I lived in tank tops, jean skirts and flip-flops. In the fall I dropped a ton of cash on fall clothes. In December I played musical jeans to see what still fit.

30. What kept you sane?
Joe, my friends, my mom.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Since this was the year of the Red Sox, I have to say Doug Mirabelli. While he is neither a celebrity nor a public figure, he is the cutest backup catcher in Major League Baseball.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?
Everything. The war in Iraq begat Farenheit 9/11 begat the DNC begat the presidential election. It's all related.

33. Who did you miss?
Amanda, who I didn't see all year, and Joe when he was wrapped up in school stuff.

34. Who is the best new person you met?
Mardi, my work friend turned outside-of-work friend who is a great shopping partner. Also Kevin and Chris, the newest additions to our friend group.

35. Tell us some valuable life lessons you learned in 2004.
That sweating the small stuff just makes you feel like a fool afterwards for wasting the time. That being a bad friend is a shitty thing to do to someone you care about. That taking care of yourself and making yourself happy really is the only way you'll have anything to give to others.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"What you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting for? Take a chance you stupid ho."


Resolutions
New year, new blog, new resolutions. Hell, why not; resolutions may be cliched and bullshit but seeing as it's 1:00 a.m. and I'm eating leftover Chinese and watching old eps of the Tenacious D series, it couldn't hurt to think about adopting some healthier habits. So, my list:

1. Make a comeback at the gym, i.e. stop mindfucking myself into thinking I'm too tired after work to go.
2. Go back on Atkins and re-lose the weight I gained. If all the meat makes me vommy, at least eliminate sugar and white flour and drink more water.
3. Be more disciplined in my writing. Outline a book, write it, and don't pussy out at the first sign of writer's block.
4. Stop being afraid of the dentist and just fucking go.
5. Read better books: no more chick-lit. And get a library card.
6. Stop fucking swearing so goddamn much.

Vacation has been fabulous this week. Joe and I always travel when we can scrape together a week off, so it's been really nice to stay at home, spend time with family and friends, and take a break from being a Responsible Adult. Tonight on my way home I was listening to Green Day ("Holiday"), the Scorpions ("Wind of Change"), and the Dropkick Murphys ("Bastards on Parade") at top volume and for the first time in a long while it didn't feel like I was putting it on to remind myself that I'm not a corporate assmunch, it just felt like listening to good loud shit... huge difference there. I'm going to enjoy the shit out of these last two days off... and I'll cut down on the cursing on Tuesday. Same day I start Atkins and drag my ass back to Boston Sports Club.


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