1. Are any of your toes on your foot connected?
No. I am not an amphibian.
2. Which do you use more a pen or pencil?
Pen… I don’t think I’ve picked up a pencil in 5 years. I wonder if there’s like one No. 2 factory still chugging along, having lots of strategy meetings leading up to the seasonal SAT rush, before slumping back into redundancy mode.
3. Look at your planner for June 30th. What, if anything, do you have planned?
My planner is my work calendar, so it doesn’t say anything for that date, but I went to Lola’s boyfriend’s house and we took Olivia swimming in his pool with the scary ladder.
3. Do you use toothpaste?
Yes, Crest. After the dollar-store-Colgate-made-in-China scare, I casually checked to see where mine was made. Mexico, if you’re interested.
4. What was the last thing you dreamed about?
I don’t seem to dream much anymore. Nothing I can remember, anyway. My pseudo-dreams are always some slightly altered version of something that did or could have happened, and then I forget about it two seconds later.
6. What color is your bedroom carpet?
My bedroom has hardwood floors. Why do we always say “hardwood” instead of just “wood” when it comes to flooring? You wouldn’t say, “Throw some more hardwood in the fire.”
7. How many passengers does your car hold?
Three adults and one child. Olivia’s in a new car seat now, and it’s not in the middle anymore, but maybe you could get 2 adults back there if you squished.
8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
Yes! For about two days.
9. What is your favorite canned soup?
Tomato… made with milk and served with a grilled cheese sandwich. YUM.
10. Do you know anyone who lives in Russia?
Not really. My aunt had Russian exchange students whom I met, and they probably went back there afterwards, but whatever. They were always pale and quiet, with blue eyes and a voracious desire for Levi’s 501 jeans.
11. Did you ever go into a room and forget what you went in there for?
Of course
12. Who is the last baby that you held?
That would be Miss Livvy.
13. Do you know all the words to The Star Spangled Banner?
Indeed.
15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
A gray Honda Accord.
16. Pick one, having an STD or sharing a bed with Michael Jackson?
Is it a curable STD? I mean, I wouldn’t pick herpes over MJ, but if it was like… uh, something short-lived that presented few or no symptoms, then bring it on!
17. Last time you went to the zoo?
A long time ago… I think the last zoo I went to was in Chicago back in 1996.
18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
Augh, don’t get me started. There are wallpaper borders lurking throughout my house. We have stripped two of the biggest offenders, but there are still borders in the kitchen, office, and downstairs bath.
19. Closest thing to you that is plaid?
Hm. Really not seeing any. Plaid would take away from my office’s theme of beige, lighter beige and darker beige.
20. I'm Ron Burgundy?
Are you? Stay classy, Ron.
21. Who is the last person who wrote you a check?
My grandparents, probably, for my birthday.
22. How many unframed pictures do you have in your house?
Tons. They’re in photo boxes, and most of our Olivia ones are still in the envelopes.
23. Last time you had a date that began with dinner and ended with lunch?
Well, it had to be Joe, so I’d say September 1998.
24. Have you ever applied for a job where the waitresses wear shorty shorts and halters?
No, not have I ever been a patron of such an establishment. I don’t care how good the wings are.
25. How many pairs of underwear do you have?
A bunch, but a lot of them I don’t wear. I have about 12 in regular rotation. I love buying new underwear.
26. Last time you received flowers?
Joe got me some in the past year… I forget the occasion now. When I went back to work?
27. Do you play with your hair?
I guess, when my bangs fall into my left eye, but it’s not a habit or a tic. I just enjoy having the sense of sight.
28. Do you take anything in your coffee?
Cream, one Splenda.
29. Do you have any marshmallows?
No. I’m ambivalent about marshmallows. I don’t really enjoy them on their own, but in Fluff form with peanut butter or burnty form in a s’more or melty form in hot chocolate… that’s good stuff.
30. Who was your high school's most popular female?
This girl Jamie. She was nice, smart and reasonably athletic. Everybody liked her.
31. Last person you told to f-off?
I’ve never said that to anyone in a serious way.
33. Would you like to learn to play the harp?
Can I learn during work hours? Then OK.
34. How many entryways are there into your living room?
Ah, I guess four: the slider to the deck, the stairs down to the front door, the kitchen doorway, and the hallway.
35. Last thing you read?
Nothing new in a long time… I’ve been re-reading a bunch of crap. The last new thing I read, god help me, was this. My boss gave it to all of us at our team offsite back in May.
36. What was the last pageant you attended?
Life’s rich one.
37. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
Papa Ginos. There’s no good pizza in my town anymore.
38. Ever ride in a limo?
Sure, for my proms, Joe’s grandpa’s funeral, and our wedding.
39. What is the last thing you stapled?
Papers for a file.
40. Did you ever drink milk & Pepsi?
Never together, if that’s what you’re suggesting. I’m still struggling to get comfortable with the concept of an egg cream.
41. Are your feet ticklish?
Yes. Do not try it.
42. Last time you saw fireworks?
I didn’t see any this year! Last year marked our third time seeing Chris’ highly illegal street display, complete with requisite police appearance. I was about ready to pop, and I kept wondering if the noise would bother the baby’s ears. Never mind she was in water. And well insulated.
43. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
In New York a few years ago… it was the day the front driver’s side window broke and fell down into the door, and we had a 4-hour drive in the cold and rain to look forward to. We had the guys at the hotel parking garage cover up the window with some plastic and duct tape, then went to an uptown Krispy Kreme to drown our sorrows in sugar.
44. Who is the last person that drove you somewhere?
Maybe my sister?
45. Last time you parked under a carport?
Never.
46. Do you have a black dog?
No. I did visit The Black Dog in Chatham last month.
47. Do you have any A1 in your fridge?
Yes – god, what fridge is complete without it?
48. Are you a dominating person?
I have a lot of opinions and confidence, so sometimes, yeah.
49. Who has the prettiest toes that you know of?
Olivia. I don’t really inspect people’s feet.
50. When is the last time you saw a transvestite?
That would be 1994. I was in Paris, on the Metro, and there was a vagrant transvestite curled up on the seat trying to sleep. She was skinny in an obviously male way, and she had on a fake-looking wig, too-bright lipstick, torn stockings, pointy high heels, a black miniskirt, and a green barn jacket. She was eating a crusty baguette from her jacket pocket and getting crumbs all over. She was also mumbling and seemed pissed about all the people on the train.
No. I am not an amphibian.
2. Which do you use more a pen or pencil?
Pen… I don’t think I’ve picked up a pencil in 5 years. I wonder if there’s like one No. 2 factory still chugging along, having lots of strategy meetings leading up to the seasonal SAT rush, before slumping back into redundancy mode.
3. Look at your planner for June 30th. What, if anything, do you have planned?
My planner is my work calendar, so it doesn’t say anything for that date, but I went to Lola’s boyfriend’s house and we took Olivia swimming in his pool with the scary ladder.
3. Do you use toothpaste?
Yes, Crest. After the dollar-store-Colgate-made-in-China scare, I casually checked to see where mine was made. Mexico, if you’re interested.
4. What was the last thing you dreamed about?
I don’t seem to dream much anymore. Nothing I can remember, anyway. My pseudo-dreams are always some slightly altered version of something that did or could have happened, and then I forget about it two seconds later.
6. What color is your bedroom carpet?
My bedroom has hardwood floors. Why do we always say “hardwood” instead of just “wood” when it comes to flooring? You wouldn’t say, “Throw some more hardwood in the fire.”
7. How many passengers does your car hold?
Three adults and one child. Olivia’s in a new car seat now, and it’s not in the middle anymore, but maybe you could get 2 adults back there if you squished.
8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
Yes! For about two days.
9. What is your favorite canned soup?
Tomato… made with milk and served with a grilled cheese sandwich. YUM.
10. Do you know anyone who lives in Russia?
Not really. My aunt had Russian exchange students whom I met, and they probably went back there afterwards, but whatever. They were always pale and quiet, with blue eyes and a voracious desire for Levi’s 501 jeans.
11. Did you ever go into a room and forget what you went in there for?
Of course
12. Who is the last baby that you held?
That would be Miss Livvy.
13. Do you know all the words to The Star Spangled Banner?
Indeed.
15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
A gray Honda Accord.
16. Pick one, having an STD or sharing a bed with Michael Jackson?
Is it a curable STD? I mean, I wouldn’t pick herpes over MJ, but if it was like… uh, something short-lived that presented few or no symptoms, then bring it on!
17. Last time you went to the zoo?
A long time ago… I think the last zoo I went to was in Chicago back in 1996.
18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
Augh, don’t get me started. There are wallpaper borders lurking throughout my house. We have stripped two of the biggest offenders, but there are still borders in the kitchen, office, and downstairs bath.
19. Closest thing to you that is plaid?
Hm. Really not seeing any. Plaid would take away from my office’s theme of beige, lighter beige and darker beige.
20. I'm Ron Burgundy?
Are you? Stay classy, Ron.
21. Who is the last person who wrote you a check?
My grandparents, probably, for my birthday.
22. How many unframed pictures do you have in your house?
Tons. They’re in photo boxes, and most of our Olivia ones are still in the envelopes.
23. Last time you had a date that began with dinner and ended with lunch?
Well, it had to be Joe, so I’d say September 1998.
24. Have you ever applied for a job where the waitresses wear shorty shorts and halters?
No, not have I ever been a patron of such an establishment. I don’t care how good the wings are.
25. How many pairs of underwear do you have?
A bunch, but a lot of them I don’t wear. I have about 12 in regular rotation. I love buying new underwear.
26. Last time you received flowers?
Joe got me some in the past year… I forget the occasion now. When I went back to work?
27. Do you play with your hair?
I guess, when my bangs fall into my left eye, but it’s not a habit or a tic. I just enjoy having the sense of sight.
28. Do you take anything in your coffee?
Cream, one Splenda.
29. Do you have any marshmallows?
No. I’m ambivalent about marshmallows. I don’t really enjoy them on their own, but in Fluff form with peanut butter or burnty form in a s’more or melty form in hot chocolate… that’s good stuff.
30. Who was your high school's most popular female?
This girl Jamie. She was nice, smart and reasonably athletic. Everybody liked her.
31. Last person you told to f-off?
I’ve never said that to anyone in a serious way.
33. Would you like to learn to play the harp?
Can I learn during work hours? Then OK.
34. How many entryways are there into your living room?
Ah, I guess four: the slider to the deck, the stairs down to the front door, the kitchen doorway, and the hallway.
35. Last thing you read?
Nothing new in a long time… I’ve been re-reading a bunch of crap. The last new thing I read, god help me, was this. My boss gave it to all of us at our team offsite back in May.
36. What was the last pageant you attended?
Life’s rich one.
37. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
Papa Ginos. There’s no good pizza in my town anymore.
38. Ever ride in a limo?
Sure, for my proms, Joe’s grandpa’s funeral, and our wedding.
39. What is the last thing you stapled?
Papers for a file.
40. Did you ever drink milk & Pepsi?
Never together, if that’s what you’re suggesting. I’m still struggling to get comfortable with the concept of an egg cream.
41. Are your feet ticklish?
Yes. Do not try it.
42. Last time you saw fireworks?
I didn’t see any this year! Last year marked our third time seeing Chris’ highly illegal street display, complete with requisite police appearance. I was about ready to pop, and I kept wondering if the noise would bother the baby’s ears. Never mind she was in water. And well insulated.
43. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
In New York a few years ago… it was the day the front driver’s side window broke and fell down into the door, and we had a 4-hour drive in the cold and rain to look forward to. We had the guys at the hotel parking garage cover up the window with some plastic and duct tape, then went to an uptown Krispy Kreme to drown our sorrows in sugar.
44. Who is the last person that drove you somewhere?
Maybe my sister?
45. Last time you parked under a carport?
Never.
46. Do you have a black dog?
No. I did visit The Black Dog in Chatham last month.
47. Do you have any A1 in your fridge?
Yes – god, what fridge is complete without it?
48. Are you a dominating person?
I have a lot of opinions and confidence, so sometimes, yeah.
49. Who has the prettiest toes that you know of?
Olivia. I don’t really inspect people’s feet.
50. When is the last time you saw a transvestite?
That would be 1994. I was in Paris, on the Metro, and there was a vagrant transvestite curled up on the seat trying to sleep. She was skinny in an obviously male way, and she had on a fake-looking wig, too-bright lipstick, torn stockings, pointy high heels, a black miniskirt, and a green barn jacket. She was eating a crusty baguette from her jacket pocket and getting crumbs all over. She was also mumbling and seemed pissed about all the people on the train.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home