Enough of you, crazy salmon and beige flowers
I've moved on to more aesthetically pleasing pastures.

2007 a.k.a. a year when i guess some stuff happened, but i can't remember any of it
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Tried eel.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions?
I didn’t set any. So yeah, I kicked ass.

3. What countries did you visit?
Canada, woo.

4. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Motivation. More time.

5. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Olivia’s first birthday, when the Sox won the series again.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I got a pretty sweet promotion.

7. What was your biggest failure?
I let some ugly emotions rule me for a little while. Not a good feeling.

8. Did you suffer illness or injury?

9. What was the best thing you bought?
A 30 gig iPod. Which I never would have had I known I’d be getting two 80 gig ones free from work.

10. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friend Kasey, for accepting a risky and intimidating work assignment in Moscow.

11. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Assholes on the road. Just like all the time.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage, Zappos.

13. What song will always remind you of 2007?
"Moneymaker” by Rilo Kiley.

14. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? Happier
b) Thinner or fatter? Same
c) Richer or poorer? Richer

15. What do you wish you'd done more of?

16. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Stressing out.

17. How did you spend Christmas?
I’ll be in my pajamas. Oh, and with my family.

18. Did you fall in love in 2007?
I fall in random, short-lived love a lot.

19. How many one-night stands?
So many its ridiculous.

20. What was your favorite TV program?
Rock of Love.

21. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nah, why hate?

22. What was the best book you read?
That giant Nirvana book.

23. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Not really anything. I can’t even make anything up. The Into the Wild soundtrack was amazing though.

24. What did you want and get?
A new car.

25. What did you want and not get?
Sack o’ cash.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I’ll be 30! I’m going to dinner with my people and plan to get really fucking trashed.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More drinking, less drama.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
I wore clothes. I am still a fan of the pointy power boot.

30. What kept you sane?
My friends. You guys rawk.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
This is such a nothing question. I like the same ones, Christian Bale, Eddie Vedder, John Krasinski and George Clooney. And since I didn’t date any of them, thus finding out that they’re not as cool or beautiful as I once thought, I still like them.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?
The war, illegal immigration, the burgeoning presidential race.

33. Who did you miss?
Amanda; we only saw each other for one day. I owe you a visit in 08.

34. Who is the best new person you met?
Did I meet anyone new? I like new people. If you’re new and I met you, you’re the best new person I met.

35. Tell us some valuable life lessons you learned in 2007.
Even if you have a baby, you should still go out and get drunk sometimes. ESPECIALLY if.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Long nights allow
Me to feel i'm falling
I am falling
Safely to the ground
-Long Nights, Eddie Vedder, Into the Wild

Blah, I got in a fender bender this morning on 128.

I skidded on some black ice in stop-and-go traffic and rear-ended this middle aged guy in a Toyota Avalon. After the impact, I watched him have a mini conniption, gesticulate wildly, and jerk his finger toward the median, and we summarily went from two strangers in an unavoidable situation to passive-aggressive adversaries even before pulling over. We exchanged registrations and he made ridiculous comments like, "At least you could have picked a warmer day to do this." My reply: "This wouldn't have happened on a warmer day." Also, shut up.

In accordance with the Law of Jerks, his car sustained minor scratches, while I got a jacked up bumper, a smashed grille, and a bent license plate. It wasn't even his car; it belonged to his company. One of those motorist assistance vans showed up (who do those guys work for? How he hell did he show up so bloody fast?) and the guy came over to make sure we were both all right. Then he stopped traffic to let us back on the road.

The best part? While we were busy jotting down information, some random drove by and yelled, "IDIOTS!" Hello, asshole? It's first thing in the morning and 22 degrees out; why don't you shut your window and redirect that impotent rage into demeaning waitstaff and jerking off at work, okay?

Not a great morning, I guess is what I'm saying.

Oh look, it's snowing... WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE TRAPPED?
Yesterday was one of the weirdest winter days ever. It's New England, it snows here, we usually know what to do in these situations. We're not like North Carolina where they get half an inch and have to close school for a week. Yesterday, though, I don't know what the hell was up. People went completely apeshit bananas and jammed up the roads worse than Dick Cheney's arteries.

The snow started around noontime or so. We knew we were looking at somewhere between 8-12 inches over the course of the day, so my coworkers and I kept saying, "OK, we'll go downstairs for our free, fancy holiday lunch and then we'll leave." We went down to the cafeteria, sat around chatting, then went upstairs to shut down and pack up. We had our coats on and were walking down the stairs when one of the facilities people approached and said, "We strongly urge you not to leave yet."

"What? Why?" we asked. "We want to get out of here."

"Look out there," she said, pointing out the front door with her Nextel walkie-talkie. We looked. Taillights. Backed up from the road, into our parking lot. Nobody moving. We work at the top of a giant hill near a reservoir. If people weren't getting out of the parking lot, it meant the whole hill was backed up, and the reservoir ring road. No getting out.

"I'm chancing it," said the coworker I was with. "It's only going to get worse." And she went out the door, just as two wet, snow-covered, beleaguered looking people came in.

"Did you just come from the line?" I asked.

"Yes. Don't even go out there," he said.

I went back upstairs, hauled my laptop out of my bag and turned it back on. No work got done, though. By then we all knew we were stranded, at least for the immediate future. We stood at the windows looking at the same line of cars that hadn't moved in an hour. We watched NECN reports on the flat-screens. We called our people and let them know we wouldn't be home anytime soon. Some of us went out to get a jump on clearing off our cars.

3:00 came, then 4:00, then 5:00. The snow started falling at a rate of 1-2 inches per hour. Reports started coming in that the highway were giant parking lots. None of the roads were treated because the plows and sand/salt trucks couldn't get through. Then there were reports of multiple jackknifed tractor trailers criss-crossing the roads, reports of 30 minute drives taking 6 hours, reports of people running out of gas and abandoning their cars in the middle of the highway. People who had been sitting in the line of cars turned kept filtering back saying, "I waited for 2 hours and never even got past the guard house." "In 4 hours I only made it as far as the next building."

6:00 came, and the reports were only getting worse. The highway was closed in one direction, but we couldn't confirm which it was. We received an email: complimentary pasta buffet in the cafeteria at 6:30, movie and popcorn in the auditorium at 7:30. We went downstairs to eat and the kitchen staff stood by like war heroes. They had made us a feast: three varities of pasta, marinara and pesto sauces, sausages, chicken, and meatballs, salad, rolls, tiramisu, cookies. We gave them a standing ovation when they came out to finally rest and eat. The cafeteria was more crowded than at peak lunchtime. It was like bizarro adult summer camp.

8:00, 9:00. A cop arrived at the bottom of our hill and started turning people back up because it was so treacherous and crowded. When the cop left, people began to brave it. We checked SmartRoutes obsessively, trying to make sense of the colors and symbols. Everything was red and Alert! We called the brave ones on their cell phones and spoke in code "Left is bad but moving. Right is just bad."

10:00 p.m. Finally we got word that the access roads were clear. We made a group decision to go. We all tromped out to help clean off each other's cars and make fun of the new guy from Tucson. The plows in our parking lot generously helped push away the banks blocking us in. Inching along, I got down the hill and onto the highway. It was otherworldly... silent, abandoned cars all over the place, in the middle of the road, covered over, plowed in, hazards still blinking. I passed more than a dozen in both directions. I listened to Loveline, Jay Severin's show having ended three hours ago.

11:00 p.m. Home. Driveway plowed. Thank god.

Today. Sleep late. Work from home.

Goo goo, it's on

Mike: Oh my GOD....fucking Boston! Who made the deal with Satan to get every single New England team to be unreal????
Me: Belichick… John Henry… Danny Ainge?
Mike: Mark my words… the Celtics will win the championship this year
Mike: So the sox, Patriots (if they can beat my beloved 6-1 Packers), and Celtics should all win.
Me: Oh honey
Me: I'm sorry to have to say this, but the Pats would destroy the pack.
Mike: Destroy the pack, eh? OK—what’s the bet?
Me: Whatever you want; I'll take any bet.
Mike: Hmmmmm… I will think about this one
Mike: Got it.
Me: OK, tell me.
Mike: Winner has to send a Patriots/Packer shirt/onesie for the loser’s baby to wear and have posted online.
Mike: I already have a Favre jersey onesie.
Me: Sure. What size, 18 months?
Mike: That would work.
Me: I'll go out and buy it today!
Mike: hahahaha
Me: I won't even keep the receipt!
Mike: hahahaha
Me: hehehe
Mike: Your bravado will be your downfall!!!!

Parking moron
Let's say you're a person going to work. You pull into the parking lot and consider where to position your vehicle. There's a row with lots of empty spaces. You pull into a space and see that the one in front of you is free. "Sweet," you say to yourself. "I will pull through. Facing outward hastens my escape at the blessed release hour and also permits a colleague to park behind me."

Logical AND considerate, right? A win-win. Not if you're this one idiot in a [red clown car] though. This guy is an instigator. This guy has to upset the order. This guy is irrationally wedded to backing out. This guy prompted me to create a PowerPoint slide to showcase his obstinance and my mild annoyance, complete with landscaping (a.k.a. Fun with Fill Effects):

And yes, if you were wondering, some of the cars in our lot DO have forcefields and lighted under-chassis! And, uh, we have a taxi. Yeah.

Good luck getting through this one
What did you do yesterday?
I worked, called a friend on my way home, changed and fed Olivia, had dinner, watched Ghost Hunters, and updated my MySpace profile.

What memory do you miss the most?
Going up to camp

What memory do you want to forget?
Hmm…I once made out with a guy my friend was involved with and I knew it would hurt her but he was so obvious about being into me that it was too fun to resist.

Name something you regretted after it was done?
Well, that.

What was the last song you heard?
Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town by Pearl Jam before I voted it down on Pandora

What was the last CD you bought?
I don’t buy CDs anymore.

What was the last time you cried?
It was a while ago. I can’t remember.

What was the last movie you saw in a theater?

What was the last thing you ate?
A turkey sandwich.

Who was the last person you called?
A guy from work

What color nail polish do you wear?
None these days… I’ve been shamefully neglectful.

Have you ever made a model volcano?
No, but my sister did.

When was the last time you showered?
This morning

Who was the last person who complimented you?
Margo at work said I was a great dresser

What are you listening to?
Pandora online radio

What are you wearing?
Black dress pants, a black and white polka-dot top, and cute sandals

What are you thinking?
It’s 12:19, almost lunchtime.

What are you scared of most?
Bad things happening to the people I love.

How many people are on your buddy list?
Like AIM? Only like 4 that I actually talk to.

What is your occupation?
I’m in HR communications.

What was your marriage site?
We were married in a Catholic church, under a huppah, by a deacon and a gay rabbi.

Where was your honeymoon?
We went on a Mediterranean cruise.

What is your favorite place to live?
I always think I’d like to live in the Pacific Northwest for a while, Seattle or Portland, but I’m a Bostonian through and through.

Do you want/have kids?
A daughter, and I’d like one more.

What kind of car do you drive?
A black 2007 Mercury Milan.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Working. It will be my 5th wedding anniversary!

Will there be a WW III?
Oh, you mean we aren’t in it now?

Will politics ever be truthful?

Will humanity snuff itself out?
Quite possibly.

Can the government be changed?
I sure as shit hope so.

Do you believe in the devil?
Maybe. I hope he’s like the devil on South Park.

Do you believe in god?
Yes. It’s a good safety.

Do you believe in aliens?
Somewhere, you bet. Do you know how big the universe is?

Do you believe in ghosts?

Do you believe in the spirit/soul?
Yes, but it's probably a construct of the brain.

Do you believe in soulmates?
No. Not just one, anyway.

Do you believe in reincarnation?
Vaguely, in terms of energy. Not like, “Hey, I used to be a human, and now I’m a bug! Cool.”

Do you believe in love at first sight?
It’s coincidental, but it can happen.

Do you believe in karma?
Sure, but not as a cosmic force… just as a result of getting back what you put out there.

Who and when was your first crush?
The first crush I can remember was this kid Brian from school. He was in my dream the other night – no idea why.

Do you have a crush now?
No, sadly. They’re fun.

Do you have a celebrity crush?
No strong or new ones. My go-to guys are Christian Bale, George Clooney and Eddie Vedder.

Who do you want to be with right now?

Whose number do you want?
Nobody. I hardly use the numbers I have.

What is something you don’t understand about the opposite sex?
There are things I don’t understand about both sexes. Both are fairly simple creatures until you put them together.

If you could go on a date with anybody, who would it be?
Maybe Eddie. Find out what he’s like.

On scale of one to ten, how romantic are you?
Like a two.

First thing you notice about the opposite sex?
The whole face-hair-eyes-teeth combo. If I can’t take your face, nothing else matters. I notice clothes, too.

What do you look for personality-wise?
The same stuff everyone looks for… sense of humor, honesty, integrity, confidence, kindness.

What is your biggest turn on?
Guys who can dress.

What is your biggest turn off?
Bad kissers.

What is something the opposite sex wears that turns you on?
I love when guys wear dress shirts with the sleeves casually rolled up, like after work, revealing strong forearms and a nice watch.

What is something the opposite sex wears that turns you off?
Jean shorts with sneakers, socks, a T-shirt and a baseball cap. I don’t know, it makes them look like overgrown 8-year-olds. There’s a right way to do casual and that’s not it.

What is the most romantic thing that has ever happened to you?
It was probably when that guy drove from Chicago to meet me. That was a thoughtful, well-orchestrated plan and I was surprised, impressed, and duly reciprocal.

What do you wear on a coffee date?
I’ve only had one coffee date in my life, and I blew it off. But if I had one now, here’s how it would go down. It would be a perfect fall day, sunny and crisp, and we would be sitting outside. We’d be in the city, but not downtown. I’m thinking of someplace like the Second Cup in Montreal, which was on a corner in this funky, arty neighborhood. I would be wearing jeans, a cute top, and pointy boots. I’d have my jacket on the chair behind me but I’d keep my scarf on. I’d have sunglasses on my head and my hair would be all highlighted in the sun. The guy would be wearing wide-wale corduroys, a button-down (sleeves rolled up) over a t-shirt, and casual shoes or boots with maybe a fleece or jacket. He’d have sunglasses too, but no baseball cap. His hair would look awesome. We’d talk about travel and career and freaky stuff and we’d bond over something random and stay too long and then take a walk and pop into bookstores and record shops and there would be that delicious sense of sexual anticipation and feeling like the most beautiful and desired person in the world. What, that’s not how most coffee dates go?

Is it right to flirt if you're taken?
I wouldn’t call it right, but a little bit is all right.

Is cybersex cheating?
Yeah, it is. Don’t try to rationalize that one.

Do you want to hug somebody right now?
The guy from my coffee date, that’s for sure.

Who would you like to take to the prom?
George! He would make the perfect date. We’d get drunk at the after-party, hook up, and pass out for a while. I’d wake up at 6:00 and find him playing basketball (sleeves rolled up—this is now a given) with some guys outside. Then we’d all go to Denny’s.

Do you know what an aphrodisiac is?

What color is your jacket?
I have a new black trench and my purple corduroy jacket from last year.

What color is your razor?
Venus colored. Aqua.

What size is your bed?

What color crayon would you be?
Granny Smith Apple. Tickle Me Pink sounds good too.

What are your feelings on abortion?
Damn, that’s a little heavy for a survey. I think abortions should be avoided whenever possible, but the safe medical option to obtain one needs to exist.

How long does it take you to shower?
15 minutes or so.

What does your screen name mean?
It’s the name of a gas station. But it’s more like a roadtrip emblem.

Thoughts on blonde pop stars in general?
No worse than brunette or red-haired pop stars… they all mainly suck.

Who do you trust the most?
My mom.

Is cussing a necessity in life?
No, but it adds flavor.

Is the world screwed?
We’ve been saying the world is screwed for years. I’m sure mankind will continue to stumble along, marveling at the good and evil around us. As for the Earth, it will reclaim itself one way or another.

Name something you can’t live without?
Softlips lip balm. I miss the lemon flavor.

What time did you fall asleep last night?
After midnight. It was an uncharacteristically late night.

Can you live without a microwave?
Yes… I don’t use the microwave much.

What do think about death?
Well, it happens. I’d like to think that I’ll be prepared for it when it comes. I’m much less fearful of my own death than the inevitability of having to experience my parents’ deaths. There is also, of course, the unspeakable possibility of outliving one's child, which should not be dwelt upon.

Why is the sky blue?
Sun, atmosphere, something like that.

What is a good trait about yourself?
I give good advice, and I really listen.

How do you react to change?
With resistance at first, but I consciously work to become accepting of it.

Do you talk to yourself?
Not often. Sometimes I have omniscient narrative in my head, like my life is a movie.

Does being psycho appeal to you?

If you wrote a book, what would it be about?
It would be about people who changed each other’s lives in some completely realistic way. I know that’s vague, but it’s the ability to capture human behaviors, mannerisms, perspectives, biases, and peccadilloes with believability that make certain books amazing.

40 burning questions
1. Did you cry today?

2. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
I was checking my email, having gotten to work later than usual due to traffic. At 8:28 a.m. I finally opened my calendar and had a huge “oh SHIT” moment; in 2 minutes I was due a meeting at a facility 10 minutes away. I grabbed my stuff and took off. And I still wasn’t the last to arrive, so whew.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

4. What did you do in 1992?
I was a freshman in high school. Those legging tights with the lace around the ankle were hot. I was all rah-rah when our soccer team made it to the state finals. I was just about to discover grunge.

5. What song do you love right now?
All the songs on Rilo Kiley’s new album.

6. Three words to explain why you last threw up.
Work cafeteria shrimp.

7. What color is your hairbrush?
Depends. I use a forgiving pink one to brushing out my nasty snarls in the morning, a wooden one to dry my bangs, and a purple one to style after blow-drying.

8. What was the last thing you bought?
A banana.

9. Where do you keep your money?
In a checking account, a savings account, and some CDs.

10. What was the weather like today?
It’s unseasonably warm. Feels like August.

11. What's the best part about winter?
Scarves and Starbucks holiday lattes. That’s about it, though.

12. When is your birthday?
December 27.

13. Are you over the age of 25?

14. What were you doing last night?
Picking up Ziploc sandwich bags that Olivia scattered all over the floor like a freaking flower girl, cooking spaghetti, watching the awesome season premiere of How I Met Your Mother, folding laundry.

15. Do you sing?
In the car, yes.

16. Does your screen name have an "x" in it?

17. Do you know anyone named Daisy?
No. It’s a good name for a yellow lab puppy though.

18. Do you make up your own words?
Not as well as Don Vito.

19. Are you ticklish?

20. Would you say you're feisty?
When provoked.

21. Favorite animal?
Other people’s dogs.

22. Name someone whose name starts with the letter "B"?
Ben Affleck.

23. Who's the last person to call you?
A work person.

24. At what age do you want to have kids?
Der. How about 28?

25. What is your favorite candy?
Peanut butter M&Ms.

26. What is the next concert you're going to?
Henry Rollins spoken word.

27. Where did you go today?
Work, over to other work building, back to work.

28. What is something you say a lot?

29. You're at a friend's house in the bathroom and realize there is no toilet paper. Do you ask them or look yourself?
I’d look. Or use Kleenex.

30. Do you have to work tomorrow?

31. Who was the last person you said "I love you" to?
Either Joe or Olivia.

32. Soup...out of a can, packet, or homemade?
Homemade is pretty much out of the question. Restaurant-made is preferred. Box soup (Lipton’s chicken noodle in the packet) is good in a pinch on a cold night.

33. Do you have a nickname?
Not really. I’ve been called various derivations of my various names, but nothing that sticks for life, like Murph or Sully.

34. Are you a heavy sleeper?
I’m a decent sleeper. I wake up during the night but not for any good reason.

35. What are you listening to?
Pandora radio.

36. What is the best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
I haven’t seen any in the past two weeks… Superbad was the last great movie I saw.

37. When was the last time you did the dishes?
I haven’t full-on done dishes since we lived in Somerville. Love you, dishwasher.

38. Name someone who made you laugh today?
Joan, on Little People, Big World: “I couldn’t be married to the husband. He doesn’t work; he’s always out building pirate ships and pumpkin catapults. I’d be smacking his ass all over the pumpkin field. GET A JOB!”

39. What's your favorite quote?
“You might as well do something while you’re doing nothing."

40. Guiltiest pleasure?
Rock of Love. Who’s it going to be, Heather or Jess???

Damn I wish I still had those college entries!
But I don't, so this survey will have to suffice:


Where did you go?
University of New Hampshire, Durham, NH

Where did you live?
Scott Hall, room 301

Who was your roommate?
A horse-obsessed little person who wore puppy sweatshirts with Peter Pan collars and went home every weekend. Really.

Do you still talk to your roommate?
What do you think?

Songs that remind you of the first year?
So many! “Dancing Nancies” by Dave Matthews Band, “Hook” by Blues Traveler, “One of Us” by Joan Osborne, “Pillars of Davidson” by Live, "Spiderwebs" by No Doubt, “Ready or Not" by the Fugees, “Mona Lisa” by Guster, “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette.

Did you drink?

Favorite alcoholic beverage?
Freshman year we were just learning how to drink. We drank Mad Dog 2020 with Sprite, Woodchuck cider, and too much Natty Light.

Ever get in trouble in the dorms?
Not freshman year, but I did get busted for alcohol the day we came back for sophomore year.

What's something you remember when you first lived on campus?
My first few hours on campus, I was completely freaked out about not knowing anybody. Before my parents left, a guy I had met at orientation came by and asked if I wanted to go downtown for dinner. I ended up missing my very first hall meeting and my floormates thought I was a rebel. I met two girls that night who would both become really good friends. That was a gift.

Your campus phone number?
603-862-5825 I think. I remember it was all in one row.

First party attended?
Some party in the Gables, a typical UNH fiesta: keg in the shower, beer pong and quarters in the living room. Some guy gave shared his 12-pack of Keystone Light with me.

Favorite Pizza Place?
Durham House of Pizza. DHOP!

Favorite place to go out to eat
Young's, J.P.’s, Campus Convenience, the Icehouse.

Did you go to the library?
A couple times. This was when the Internet was still a novelty and we would crowd into someone’s room to watch their Netscape freeze ten times trying to download a single page.

What was your favorite floor you'd always be on?

Club, Athletics, Frat or Sororities, you joined?
I did water aerobics. Hey, it was fun!

Where did you buy your books?
Durham Book Exchange

Attend any concerts?
I saw Alanis Morrisette, Live, the Fugees (with Coolio!), and Guster.

Favorite night to go out on, and where did you go?
Saturday night, and wherever we ended up – Young Drive, the Coops, the Gables, old KD, Skullhouse.

Where did you get coffee?
The MUB or the Bagelry

Go see a play or been in one?
I saw Fiddler on the Roof with my parents on Parents’ Weekend.

What do you hate about your college?
Greek life

What did you love most about it?
The friendships I made.

Ever leave to go on a road trip, where?
We weren’t allowed to have cars freshman year, so a road trip meant taking the bus to the Fox Run Mall.

Where would you believe is the best location to live in?
Area 1, baby! I wanted to live in Congreve sophomore year. Then my roommate-to-be got knocked up and wanted to stay in Scott because it was quieter and all girls.

Will you go back?
I go back periodically. College nostalgia is fun. I like to see how the campus has changed, poke around in the Out Back, visit new Libby’s, blather on about things that nobody else can remember, like Vietnam Video and that junky store down by the DuMP where we bought our rug.

Senior Year of High School
1. Who was your best friend?
I didn’t have one. Senior year my cliquey friends and I parted ways, and I hung out with individuals and work friends.

2. What sports did you play?

3. What kind of car did you drive?
A white Oldsmobile Cutlass Calais.

4. On a Friday night what where you doing?
Playing pool at Classics, working, or hanging out at someone’s house.

5. Were you a party animal?

6. Were you considered a flirt?

7. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?

8. Were you a nerd?
I was an artist.

9. Did you ever get suspended or expelled?
No, just a couple detentions.

10. Can you still sing the fight song?
We didn’t have one. If we did, it probably went something like, “Please try not to suck, football team. Everyone is defecting to soccer.”

11. Who were your favorite teachers?
Mr. Landry.

12. Where did you sit during lunch?
With my clique. We seemed to sit in order of status, because I recall getting bumped down. After the schism, I hung out in the courtyard, the stone wall in the lobby or my friend’s car.

14. School mascot?
The Hornets

15. School colors?
Green and gold

16. Rival high school?

17. Did you go to Prom?
Yes, junior and senior.

18. If you could go back and do it again, would you?
Jesus, no.

19. What do you remember most about graduation?
Feeling anticlimactic relief that it was over.

20. Where did you go senior skip day?
Did we have a skip day? My class always got the shaft. We didn’t get an eighth grade dinner dance because they changed the junior high into a middle school and sent two classes up to high school at once, we didn’t get our fundraising shit together for a senior trip, and so I’m assuming we didn’t have a skip day either. If we did, I probably spent it at someone’s house.

21. Favorite memory?
Random nights driving around with friends, listening to this god-awful mix with Bryan Adams and Brown Eyed Girl and December, 1963 (Oh, What a Night) and the Gin Blossoms on it. I also loved driving up old Route 1 by myself, listening to Nevermind and Hole and Weezer’s blue album.

22. Were you in any clubs?
Yes, I was involved in a bunch of college-application-friendly activities: drama, school paper, yearbook, outdoors club, academic decathlon, Massachusetts Alliance Against Racism and Violence.

23. Where did you go most often for lunch?
The cafeteria. My class lost off-campus privileges.

24. Have you gained some weight since then?

25. Who was your Senior prom date?
This guy Adam. He was in a band.

26. Are you planning on going to your 10-year reunion?
No, I don’t think we even had one. My class really seemed to hate each other, huh?

27. Who was your home room teacher?
Mr. “I Kiss My Cat on the Lips” Ward.

28. Who will respond to this?
Do it!

29. Who was your high school sweetheart?
Jeff of the obsessive time-stamping.

30. Do you still talk to people from high school?
A couple.

31. Did you win prom queen or king?

32. Where did you work at in high school?
Bob’s in Middleton

33. What were your grades?
Mostly As and Bs, Cs in math and chemistry… not quite good enough for National Honor Society, but then again I never tried.

No recess
I've just been preoccupied. I've been reading this, 656 dense, indulgent pages detailing the history of Nirvana, staying up too late, covering 200 pages a night. And when I haven't been reading, I've been listening to Bleach, or Nevermind, or the box set rarities (Beans, seriously, what the fuck?) and basically "About a Girl," "Sappy" and "Lounge Act" on loop. It's like 1991 all over again. Sometimes this happens, the old obsession, the old longing for a scene that never existed the way we were spoon-fed, that was more commodity then camaraderie. What prompted an introverted junkie to become so many people's hero? What made a bunch of loud, buzzy, pop-punk songs anthemic for so many kids? What was it to me, to any of us, outside of MTV and art class and the mall? What made that time, those people, those ideals so important, any more so than us, our friends, our creations?

Survey fix... ahh
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Credit cards. Clothes and shoes and bags and haircuts and pedicures should be free.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Well, considering my feelings on romance, it was probably forever ago. The fancy brunch we went to at the Lakehouse in Hew Hampshire was pretty sexy, in a bedhead and raw bar kind of way.

3. Do you regret losing your virginity to whom you lost it?
No. It was kind of the best way. I wouldn’t want it to be all puppy love and nervousness and weeping with joy and relief afterwards.

4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I would have waited to buy my car until it had the MP3 jack.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Landry. I remember almost nothing about first grade, except that velour was in.

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Relaxing poolside.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
Teacher, writer, artist. My sister wanted to be a school bus driver for a while.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
One. By sophomore year I wanted to transfer to BC, but my parents talked me out of it and sent me abroad instead.

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It was in my pajama drawer.

They’re actually not horrible right now. I used to seethe when it hit $40.00. Now I can fill up for $38.50.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you, where would it be?
Joe and I would move to Seattle or Portland. This would be in a non-children-having parallel universe.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
It didn’t; today’s Sunday.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Oh well, guess I won’t find out how the Bourne Identity ends.

14. Favorite style of underwear?
The tag says Hipsters, which I guess means they like to hang out in Williamsburg, smoke American Spirits, talk about their screenplay, and wear nerd glasses and corduroy.

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Laundry. Fucking laundry!

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
Well, I didn’t when I was unemployed, so probably not, but I’d like to think that if I came from wealth and really didn’t need to work, I’d pick up all sorts of eccentric hobbies, and volunteering would probably be one of them.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
I love getting up early. I also love sleeping, so that sort of presents a conflict, but in general, I’ll pick getting up.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character(s)?
Randy from South Park. Oh I’m sorry, I thought this was America!

20. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl or guy?
Sit primly at opposite ends of the divan, talking about how we’d like to take things slow. The fuck?

21. Have you found real love yet?

22. When did you first start feeling old?
Yeah, it was probably when younger people started showing up at work. We have summer interns who are TWENTY.

23. Favorite 80's movie?
Either Fast Times at Ridgemont High or Back to the Future.

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
I like turkey and ham. Mmm, monte cristo.

25. What do you get every time you go into Sam's Club?
I’ve only been to Sam’s once. A friend of mine in college worked there. He used to buy us big boxes of Swedish Fish.

26. Beach or lake?

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No, but the pressure shouldn’t be so high to hurry up and do it.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Bad TV and snacks.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
Nah, I’ll tell you if I like something even if it’s lame. Blown Away with the Coreys and Nicole Eggert? There’s a hot sex scene in that.

31. What's your drink?
Usually vodka mixers. Or beer. I’m not a wine lover. I like it, but only one or two glasses.

32. Cowboys or Indians?

33. Cops or Robbers?

34. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Charleen W. I’m curious what became of her. Did she even make it to high school with us?

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
Probably FNX… 101.7

37. The Cosby Show or The Simpsons?
Simpsons. Cosby was kind of annoying.

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
I‘m cool with my mistakes. They don’t need to be taken back.

39. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
Heh. Yeah?

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Ed Vedder.

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?

44. Last book you read for real?
Harry Potter.

45. Do you have a teddy bear?
I have one Amanda gave me for my birthday a million years ago, called Muffin. And Olivia has a few.

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
I dunno, someone’s house probably. With my finger.

47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Wine country.

48. Do you go to church?

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Hmm, neither.

50. Just how OLD are you?

Someone's got to break the cycle, but it's not going to be me!
What did you do over the weekend?
Kept it pretty low key. Friday night Red came over for calzones and a Dane fix. Saturday we went off on one of our random driving adventures. This one took us up Rte. 125 into New Hampshire. We tooled around UNH, drove up to Durham Point, stopped at a café in Exeter, and came home through Hampton Beach. Very random and fun. Yesterday morning we went food shopping early in the morning, came home, gave Olivia a bath, and all took naps. Last night we did exactly what you should not do on Sunday night: sat around, did laundry, and groused about having to go to work today.

What did you last cook?
I wouldn’t call it cooking, but the last thing I chucked into the oven was pierogies and chicken tenders.

What is your salad dressing of choice?
At home, Ken’s Italian with Aged Romano. Out, I love Chili’s avocado ranch.

What is your favorite restaurant?
Dali in Somerville – godDAMN that honey-fried cheese is good. Camp in Meredith, NH – bonus points for getting the ambiance just right. The Hardcover up the road in Danvers for amazing steak. Fresh City – good, and good for you.

What is your favorite ice cream place?
Richardson’s. Homemade ice cream, mini golf, batting cages, and a driving range, five minutes from my house? What’s not to love?

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
On a regular pie, pepperoni. On a fancy pie, spinach, prosciutto, and fresh tomato are good. On a white pie, there has to be ricotta in addition to mozzarella.

What is your favorite type of gum?
Orbit Mint Mojito is good.

Number of contacts in your cell phone?

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?

Is love for real?
OK, we were talking about this the other day. I am a skeptic when it comes to romantic love and people’s expectations of it. It’s lovely at first but it isn’t sustainable. Passion fades—it’s meant to—and what’s left is how you treat one another every day. I look to my grandparents to see what love is. They’ve been married for 60 years. Love is making sure your 87-year-old husband eats a whole banana per day, not just half.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I wouldn't. I give all the names I like to my imaginary future children.

Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
OK. No press though.

Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
Der, yes.

Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
Er, no. Especially not if I’ve already walked naked down the street.

Would you never blog again for $50,000?

Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
Exactly: what magazine? And yes, there will be retouching?

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
I’m leaning towards yes. It would suck but $1000 is $1000.

Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
Whose life? I feel like I could be talked into this one.

Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
Yes. That would be a very interesting experiment. I’d be far healthier for it, mentally and physically. Of course, nobody is offering me $25,000, so I guess it’s back to rotting my brain with The Two Coreys and Scott Baio is 45 and Single.

Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
Totally – clever and offbeat is the best kind of humor. You try making something so absurd appeal to a mass audience. Plus, it’s eminently quotable.

Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?

Could you live with roommates?
God, roommates. I wouldn’t want to but I guess I could. It’d be fine if we each had our own kitchen, bathroom, and TV. But I guess that would make us neighbors.

My favorite one is fall, if that’s the question.

Where were you at 6 AM today?
Cuddling Olivia and watching BBC World News.

Where were you at 9 AM?
That’s right now. I’m doing this.

Where were you at noon?
That’s in the future. I guess we’ll never know.

Are there any friendships you regret losing?
There are a few I wish I had given more time to, so we wouldn’t have to be like, “Hey! It’s been forever! We suck,” whenever we got around to talking, but you know, people are busy.

Are there any relationships you regret losing?
No. I wish I still talked to a couple, in part because I’m nosy about their lives but also because I think we could be friends, but whatever.

Are there any games you regret losing?
There is still an aching, bitter place in my heart for this one game of Uno that went horribly, horribly wrong. I was up by like 300 points and I LOST the championship hand when my friend kept slapping me with reverse, reverse, reverse, skip, skip, skip, skip, draw two, draw two, draw two, draw two, wild draw FOUR, uno!, dead. And yes, we do enjoy Uno tournaments. Shut up.

Are there any people you regret sleeping with?
No. The fact that I met Joe so young makes me glad I got in as much experience as I did. If anything, I wish I’d slept with more people.

What can you not wait to do?
Go home.

What's the last movie you saw?
Mean Girls. It was on TBS last night.

Are you a friendly person?
Yes, dammit.

OK, that was weird, well, not really weird enough to blog about, but whatever
This morning I was listening to my iPod on random on my way to work. Out of my 2800+ songs, iPod picked 3 in a row that all start off with the click-click-click-click of drumsticks:

Hotel California - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
Pizza Cutter - Letters to Cleo
Sanity - Bad Religion

It was kind of awesome, in a 7:15 a.m. kind of way.

How do you like your grilled cheese?
I’m a grilled cheese equal opportunist. I love a gorgeous grilled challah with a four-cheese blend, but Friendly’s white bread and fake orange cheddar version is A-OK too.

Where was your last vacation?
My last real, week-long vacation was Aruba in 2005.

Who are your godparents?
Aunt Julie and Uncle Johnny

How long has it been since bought a new tooth brush?
I use an electric toothbrush. I put a new head on it maybe 3 months ago.

Where are you at noon everyday?
Monday through Friday I’m at work

How many speeding tickets have you gotten?
A few, in four different states: Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York and New Jersey. But they were all a long time ago.

Do tarot cards tell the truth?
Blah, who knows?

What was your favorite movie in Junior High?
Let’s see, I was how old in junior high? Like 12, 13… and that was New Kids mania time, so my favorite movie was probably….. Pretty Woman?

What is the last thing you said out loud?
Good morning, John.

What do you think of the iPhone?

What is the weirdest thing in your bedroom?
Ahh, probably the pygmies who play Dungeons & Dragons under my bed. Those guys are weird.

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
At Macy’s. This used to be my favorite shirt; in fact, I wore it on my first day here. Don’t ask me why I remember that.

Do you use a plan book?
I’m not a teacher.

At what age do you plan on having kids?
Oh, how about 28.

When was the last time you swam?
Last Saturday

What do you order at Subway?
I hate Subway. You hearing this, Jared?

Do you keep your closets organized?
Somewhat, but they always get messed up and I keep adding more stuff.

How do you make headaches go away?

Have you owned a betta before?
A what? I owned a Jetta for a while.

If you moved out of state, what state would you move to?
Washington state or Oregon.

How old is your best friend?

Did you attend preschool?

What do your shower curtains look like?
The upstairs one is off-white, crinkly, and sheer, with two horizontal panels of embroidered flowers. The downstairs one is striped: aqua, green, yellow, and coral.

Did you have an imaginary friend as a child?

How do you make eggs?
Scrambled with cheese. I love omelets when I’m out, and of course eggs Benny.

Where do you wash your clothes?

Which parent do you look most like?
Both, but I seem to have gotten more from my dad’s side.

Who are the neighbors who live to the right of you?
There’s a young married couple, I forget their names, but they are nice and the woman has red hair. There’s also the awesome guy who plows our driveway in the winter.

What are your thoughts on Tom Cruise?
He’s a freak. His teeth are off-center. I haven’t cared about anything he was in since A Few Good Men.

What is the next vehicle you wish to buy?
Maybe an SUV. Not a huge one, a normal sized one.

Do you pay bills online or by mail?
Joe’s the finance manager in our marriage. But I would pay as many as possible online.

What would be the best gift someone could get you right now?
An all-expenses paid trip to somewhere awesome.

What is something stressful you will deal with next week?
Getting a handle on my new job.

What is something in your home that you collect?
Only my random assemblage of matchbooks.

How far north have you been?
From the map, it looks like Edinburgh, Scotland is the most north I’ve ever been. The most north I’ve been in North America is Prince Edward Island.

Where did you last get gas?
At an Exxon near work, this morning. $39.90.

How do you take your coffee?
Lots of cream and one Splenda. Two Splenda in my iced coffee.

What is the oldest thing in your fridge?
Some unfortunate thing way in back, I’m sure.

On your keyboard what key is wearing out from pressing it so much?
Probably Backspace.

Where do you put your keys when you come home?
On the counter.

Where do you go for Thanksgiving?
My parents' house.

How old will you be in 2010?
I’ll be 32 for most of the year, but I’ll turn 33 on December 27.

What actor/actress would play you in a movie?
This is a tough one. Crash is right, Aida Turturro is too old. I was looking for someone loud and busty. Or I could pick someone hot and badass, like Jessica Alba. But in reality, I don't know, Sandra Bullock? She's old too. This is hard.

How much cash is in your wallet?
Like $16

Would you have a one night stand with your favorite movie star?
Of course, it’s an inalienable right. My pursuit of happiness includes a night with Christian Bale.

What color is your house?
Taupe, specifically Benjamin Moore Briarwood.

If you were starving to death would you eat a pet?
I don’t have any pets, but if I were starving to death, I’m sure I’d wish I had a pet chicken, or a pet pepperoni pizza.

Ever been to Alabama?
Nope, not yet.

What kind of accent do you have?
Not much of one… general northeastern U.S., not too Boston-y.

What kind of alcoholic drink could you come up with in your fridge right now?
There’s some white wine, a few Corona, a few Coors, one Wachusett blueberry, and some blue pineapple colada wine coolers that somebody brought to Olivia’s birthday.

200th post! And of course it's a survey
1] What is your middle name?
As if I needed further proof that I do too many surveys. Anne.

[2] What color is your mailbox?

[3] Last time you had sex?
That would be last night

[4] Have you ever hit a deer?
No, fortunately. I love catching a glimpse of them, but then I think, “You’re too close to the road. Run away!”

[5] Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?
Nope. There is a bridge over the highway at my work exit that has been under construction for fifty million years with no progress, but I don’t cross it.

[6] Do you get the paper delivered to your house in the morning?
No. The newspaper is a dead medium.

[7] Who checks the mail in your house?
Joe does, mostly. I come home with Olivia and all her stuff, so I never think about it.

[8] Do you have a small driveway?
No, it’s pretty big. You could fit maybe 6 cars.

[9] Do you know anyone with the same ringtone as you?
Nope. My ringtone is an 80s sounding chime, like a cross between the one in Pat Benatar’s “We Belong” and the one in Journey’s “Separate Ways.”

[10] What do you do first in the morning?
I sneak out of the bedroom quietly, so as not to wake Olivia, but she always hears anyway and starts crying, and I have to leave her in there until I get out of the shower.

[11] What brand is your printer?
It’s an HP.

[12] Do you enjoy fighting with people?
Enjoy? Of course not. I’ve learned that it’s necessary sometimes, and that you learn in the process whether the relationship is worth preserving.

[13] Is your hair naturally straight or curly?
Straight with some wave if I let it air dry.

[14] Who was your kindergarten teacher?
Mrs. Goldberg. Then I had her husband for eighth grade homeroom. He used to tell us, “I am not a human repeating machine” pretty much every day, so he was a liar.

[16] Are you taller than your mother?
We’re the same height, but I usually appear taller because of my shoes.

[17] Do you have a favorite word?
I like a lot of words. Fledgling, copasetic, brioche, solipsistic, cordial, algorithm, cardamom.

[19] What do you do to get over a broken heart?
Talk, talk, talk, drink, drink, drink, cry, cry, cry, write a you-suck poem.

[20] Do you have a deep dark secret?
No. My biggest secret used to be lying about how I lost my virginity, which was lame.

[22] Do you enjoy writing in colored pens?
Yes, but I mostly use black ink… I like a particular type of rollerball pen that my old old boss turned me on to.

[23] Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My pinky finger, where I bit it too much.

[24] Do you often cry during movies?
Not often.

[25] Do you hate your life?
No, I love my life.

[26] Do you get mad easily?
Stupid little things tend to make me mad faster than big issues. Joe can tell you what happens when I’m driving and he starts dozing in the car.

[27] Do you drink to get drunk?
Yes, a buzz is my objective when I drink. It isn’t for the taste… lots of stuff tastes good.

[28] What is your biggest pet peeve?
Listening to other people cough. I don’t know why, but it kills me.

[29] What is your away message?
It’s whatever is standard: “I am away from my computer now.”

[30] Do any of your friends have kids?
Yes. I can think of three little girls in our extended circle.

[32] Who should pay on the first date?
Whomever asked for the date.

[33] How many years older than you are you willing to date?
I’d probably go 5-7 years older.

[34] Do you have any friends?
Ouch, survey, that hurt.

[35] Do you have any mean friends?
No – I don’t have the time or energy to waste on mean people.

[36] What is the ugliest color in your opinion?
Mustard yellow. Especially on a T shirt.

[37] Have you ever liked someone who all your friends couldn't stand?
I don’t think so. There was once a guy in my life that my friends didn’t like, but hey, neither did I.

[38] Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff, seriously?
Ha, no. I was telling my friend the other day, when I was a teenager and wrote a check out of my parents’ account to cover a huge phone bill and the phone got shut off and they busted me, I remember wondering whether it would be easier to kill myself versus take the heat, but of course I was never serious, and anyway, I never considered driving off a cliff.

[39] Have you ever been fired from a job?
Yes – my very first job at Walgreen’s. I got fired for my drawer being off by $2.14. Everyone else I knew got fired for stealing.

[40] What year was your house built?

[41] When was the last time you slept in someone else’s bed?
Hmm. If hotels/B&Bs don’t count, and we’re talking about a bed in someone’s house, it might have been when Joe and I visited Red’s parents’ Cape house. It wasn’t recent.

[42] What brand are the pant/jeans you're wearing right now?
INC, from Macy’s.

[43] How tall are you?
I’m 5’6”

[44] What is the closest green object?
A green post-it displaying a phone number.

[45] What is on your feet?
Trouser socks and brown pointy boots.

[46] Do you always wear underwear?
Yes – I prefer it.

[48] Do you want to have kids?
Well, I sure as shit hope so.

[49] What is the brightest color you're wearing?
I guess my underwear, which is pink. The rest of my outfit is shades of brown.

[50] Who is the last friend you have, that you would never expect to be gay?
What? This is phrased strangely, kind of a double negative. I know my friends’ leanings, so I don’t expect any of them to be gay, unless they are/were. I don’t expect Joe to be gay!

[52] What's your mother's middle name?
Claire, which I’d like to use as my daughter’s middle name if we have another girl someday.

[53] Stupidest movie you ever saw?
The Matrix. And that futuristic one with Gwyneth… Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. LAME.

[54] Do you collect comic books?
God, no. And if you have such a collection, sell it now. Start a stereo store and marry your hot grandma.

[55] Do you look like your dad?
Yes, somewhat. I have his facial structure, his chin and his coloring.

[56] Do you have any TV shows on DVD?
We have 24, Family Guy and the Clerks cartoon series. If it were up to me, we wouldn’t have any DVDs.

[57] Are you wearing makeup?
Yes: eyeliner, mascara and strawberry Softlips lip balm. Usually I also wear Bare Escentuals mineral veil.

[58] Do you have a tattoo?
Nope. In college I got as close as going to the place and picking out a pattern (a tribal sun kind of like the one on the Alice in Chains Dirt album) but then I didn’t do it. I’m glad now.

[59] Are you happily in love?

[60] If you won the lottery you would:
Sock most of it away for college and retirement. Buy a bigger house with a pool and home gym. Hire a housekeeper and a lawn service. Give a chunk to my sister.

[61] Is there something you want to tell someone, but you haven't?
No – I’ve said everything that I’ve needed to say, and now I’d like to not say anything for a while.

[62] Do you know how to draw?
Yes. I haven’t sat down to draw something in a long time, but that isn’t the kind of thing that goes away.

[63] Who is your hero?
I don’t know, but it isn’t anyone rich or famous. There is plenty of inspiration to be found in the people you know personally.

[64] Who'd you last IM?

[65] Do you work a lot of hours?
40, give or take. For a while there it was between 50-60.

[66] What do you do when you are stressed out?
I withdraw and stew about it, then I talk about it, then I do what I need to do and the stress usually goes away.

[67] Who was the last person that called you?
A work person.

[68] Is there anything you regret?
Not really, no. I regret not keeping it up when I had a good diet/exercise/weight loss thing happening, but what are you gonna do?

[69] Do you know where your family name originated from?
It’s Italian. I think the translation is Cut Mountain, so maybe my people were miners or jewelers or something.

[70] Are there any animals that creep you out?
I hate snakes. HATE!

Survey says!
1. What is your best friend's mom's name?
Mom McMommington

2. What body part do you hate the most?
It’s a tie between my upper arms and my stomach, a.k.a. “where the cheese sits” as one witty What Not to Wear contestant once put it.

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
I never had a hot teacher. There was a hot English/poetry teacher at my high school, but I was never his student.

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater?
No, never anything more than hand holding or leg rubbing. It has never occurred to me to go to a crappy movie and sit in the last row with the intention of making out. I’m one of those people who likes to get there early, get the best seats, and not get up or talk.

5. What body part do you wash first?
I paid attention to this today. First, I shampoo my hair. Then I wash my face. Then I put conditioner in my hair and leave it while I take care of the rest.

6. Do you have any piercings?
Three holes in my left ear, two in my right. I haven’t put anything in the extra holes in years.

7. Is your driveway steep?
No, it’s flat.

8. What's your favorite flavored Pringles?
I like the ranch ones even though they give you horrible breath for about 8 days. Are they still out there?

9. Have you ever been tied up?
Yes! And handcuffed.

13. Have you ever had two dates in one night?
No, unfortunately. That sounds fun.

14. How many times have you been cursed at?
Plenty. On the road, hundreds of times, if not thousands. It makes me smile.

15. Which shoe do you put on first?

16. How old are you?
29 years, 7 months, 4 days.

17. Have you ever been to a gay bar?
Yes, the best gay bar ever. It was in New Hampshire, on the rotary where Route 1 and I-95 meet, almost in Maine. Amanda and I went with this kid from my apartment building. He was a member and had to write our names in a book. There was a lot of paneling and flannel and a guy who looked like Mr. Slave dancing in a cage. People thought Amanda and I made a cute couple. The kid we were with saw his ex and got all dramatic. When a guy tried to give him his number, he took it, then ripped it up as soon as the guy walked away and said, “Whatever, you’re old.”

18. Have you ever had any friends with benefits?
I’m starting to overanalyze this question. Is a friend with benefits anybody you’re casually sleeping with but aren’t dating, or do you have to have an established platonic friendship with them before you start sleeping together? I can’t say I’ve really done the latter. I was asked to once, all proper like, but I turned him down.

19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common?
They were all guys. I believe they’ve all had brown hair.

20. Did you French kiss before you were 16?
I think I was 16. So, technically, no.

21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting?
No. What is snipe hunting?

22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?
Lately it’s been Harry Potter—I just finished the new book.

3. Have you ever had a song written about you?
Since I don’t know the Allman Brothers personally, probably not.

25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable?
No. But I’ve found lots of stuff in other people’s bedrooms around town.

26. What was your childhood nickname?

27. When is the last time you played the air guitar?
Probably the last time I did a Bill and Ted “Wyld Stallions” impression, so like 1989?

28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sex's locker room?
No. I would, though. Why not?

29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?
I gave somebody something. Oh, well, I guess I wasn’t driving, but the car was moving.

30. Have you ever bitten your toenails?
Ahhhh – no.

31. How do you normally eat your Oreo cookies?
I don’t take them apart. I dunk them in milk until they collapse.

33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others?
I feel like I’m on Family Feud. Masturbation is the number one answer!

36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
Around 4-5, usually, mixed drinks or pints. I don’t like getting drunk on wine – gives me massive headaches.

37. Why are you doing this survey?
Because I love being solicited for my opinion. I like filling stuff out… hotel comment cards, the census, personality quizzes, even those demographic surveys that come in the box when you buy electronics. And I love reading others’ answers.

41. Do you have any strange phobias?
There’s the no-looking-in-mirrors-at-night thing, which is part of a general phobia that something supernatural will reveal itself to me in the dark.

42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
A button, when I was little.

46. Have you ever gotten caught sleeping while on a date?
No. Does this happen? It seems like there are some words missing, like “gotten caught [by the cops] sleeping [with someone in a public place] while on a date?” In which case, no again, but close.

47. Have you ever played naked twister?
Jesus, no.

48. Have you ever been drunk at school or work?
No, but I’ve been hung over in class plenty of times.

49. Have you ever found your date's brother or sister to be hotter then your date?

50. How many Bryces do you know?

A question about cheese is just a delectable bonus
1. Do you like cheese?
Yes. Cheese is awesome: cheddar, provolone, gorgonzola, jack, mozzarella, fontina, asiago, ricotta, cream, string, extra… it’s all delicious.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
No. Even if I wanted to, it seems like a pain in the ass drug. Cooking it up in a nasty spoon, finding a vein to stick, smoking it off a sheet of aluminum foil in your parents’ garage… no thanks.

3. Do you own a gun?
No. I shot a BB gun once.

4. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
I used to, but I was at the doctor so often during pregnancy that it became no big deal.

5. What do you think of hot dogs?
Ehh, I like them but I don’t love them. I never think about making or buying them for myself. I enjoy them at Fenway. Part of the fun is tracking the guy, waiting for him to come around to your aisle, and getting indignant when he turns and goes another way, or runs out of stock right before your row.

6. What's your favorite Christmas song?
I like O Holy Night. And the entire Kenny Rogers/Dolly Parton Christmas CD.

7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee. I love orange juice but I never drink it. I also try to limit my coffee consumption because it makes me drink less water.

8. Can you do push ups?
Ha! I can do the cheating kind, on your knees.

9. Is your bathroom clean?
It’s okay. We cleaned it for the party last weekend, but we didn’t get down and scrub. I love when the bathroom is totally clean and fresh.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My engagement ring… and the ruby and diamond ring my parents bought me when I graduated from college, which is now a half size too small.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
The line, “Hey baby, you ever seen an episiotomy scar?” Haha, fuck, did I just write that? It’s staying.

14. Do you have A.D.D.?

16. Middle Name?

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
The songs in Toyota commercials are always so lame. Is it going to rain tomorrow? What shirts do I have to go with my new gray Bermuda shorts?

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
Gray Bermuda shorts, black dress trousers, Osh Kosh B’gosh overalls.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
Water. Caffeine-free Diet Pepsi. Coconut iced coffee with cream and two Splenda.

20. Current worry?
Seriously, do I have anything that will go with those gray shorts? Because they are kickass. I thought I’d hate them, so I didn’t really think it through, but they were cute on. But then it was getting close to Olivia’s dinnertime, so I had to rush out of the mall.

21. Current hate?
Paris Hilton. Lindsay Lohan. Kimberly Stewart.

22. Favorite place to be?
In my car, exploring... loud music, sun shining, iced coffee beside me.

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
I was at Red’s party. Quite drunk. Got denied at the naked hippie party.

24. Where would you like to go?
Anywhere. I really want to go up to a lake.

27. Do you own slippers?
Yes. I bought them for my hospital bag last year. I’m ready for some new ones.

28. What are you wearing?
Pink pajama bottoms, a black tank top and glasses.

29. Do you burn or tan?
I used to get amazing tans… these days I seem to burn though.

30. Favorite color?
I’m way too indecisive to have one favorite. Green is nice.

31. Would you be a pirate?
No. When it comes to livelihood, I’d be way too strait-laced for that crazy lifestyle. I’d probably be a weaver or a blacksmith or something.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Eh. In the shower I make shit up.

35. What's in your pocket right now?
No pockets.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Olivia wobbling around the living room like a drunk.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
Word - Strawberry Shortcake.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
The tennis heel injury.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
We’re all loud, which I love.

42. Who is your most silent friend?

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Sometimes I notice George Clooney parked outside my house. When I open my door to get the mail, he takes off.

45. What is your favorite book?
This one I am decisive about: She’s Come Undone by Wally Lamb.

46. What is your favorite candy?
Peanut butter M&Ms. Or a bag of mixed Jelly Belly jelly beans, selected by me so I don’t have to worry that the orange one is cantaloupe (eww) instead of tangerine (yum).

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
"The Luckiest" by Ben Folds. "I Was Made for Dancing" by Leif Garrett.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Rilo Kiley’s "Hail to Whatever You Found in the Sunlight that Surrounds You."

49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night?

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Uh. She’s crying. It’s early.

Thank you, survey gods
Right now it’s “Makes Me Wonder” by Maroon 5. Because it really makes me wonder if I ever gave a fuck about you. I mean, you’re awesome.

I do. I work in human resources, specifically, executive talent management and development. Within a couple of weeks, however, I will have a new and better job.

Anne, which practically every Melissa has as her middle name. Anne is my godmother’s middle name. My sister’s middle name, Marie, comes from her godmother as well.

I wish I did! Instead I just have plain old aesthetic appreciation, which is boring.


Hey, “Makes Me Wonder” is a pretty good one. “It really makes me wonder if I ever gave a fuck about you” is some cold shit to say to someone you supposedly loved.

Dallas, for work.

The Devil Wears Prada. I liked it!

Fucknuts on the road make my blood boil.

I’d like to be awesome, please. Oh, and a good parent and spouse.

Well, you’ve got my first and middle, so I’d say that’s enough.

A famous writer.

Yes. Was this made for middle schoolers, when boys were still novelties?

Yes, my aforementioned sister.

Not at work, no sirree. Huh, guess I’ll need to change my answer on 96 now.

I enjoy green quite a lot.

I’m sure there aren’t 7 in there.

The 4th of July. We toddler-wrangled and sang the quietest “Happy Birthday” ever sung, because it was my aunt’s birthday and Olivia was reclined in her high chair, fast asleep.

Files, tape dispenser, stapler, post-its, banana, pens, water, coffee, postcard from Paris, photos, pen, ID lanyard. What? So I have workplace-y taste in home furnishings.

Why, yes. Perhaps you’ve heard her mentioned here once or 54968982 times.

I don’t know, someone.

My keyboard. My shirt, too.

My earrings.

My computer/docking station/monitor apparatus.

Occasionally, but far more often in the car.


Do you listen?

Last time Doug Mirabelli came up to bat. Skyyyyyydivin! Although there is this song I’ve heard on Mike 93.7 more than once about a girl who busts up her cheating boyfriend’s truck with a Louisville Slugger, so that also counts.

2,723. Recent plays include the new Smashing Pumpkins, some Morrissey, my 80s mix, and “Ride Like the Wind” by Christopher Cross (feat. Michael McDonald).

Right now, indoors. Later, maybe out.

Bad things happening to people I love.

People talking. The ones in my house, yes.

Caffeine. Sucralose.

Many. Massachusetts is a small state.

Gray dress pants and a black top.

HA – myself.

I think I’ve already confirmed that.

This is like the bluegrass or rap question. I like German speed metal only, okay?

German speed metal!


Someone from work.

Someone from work.

Earrings, a necklace, and my wedding rings.

Just hanging out not at work, listening to some German speed-metal.

Olivia. She woke up at 4:55 a.m. (god knows why) and Joe brought her into bed with us. She fell back to sleep on her side like a tiny little person! It was so cute.


The titles of 20 Bond films that I don’t care about and will never see. Learning that may have pushed something important out of my brain, like how to calculate a percentage. Thanks, World Series of Pop Culture.

It’s a little chilly in here, yeah.


How we’re going to get everything done for Olivia’s party. And it had better not rain!

Last week. It is impossible to resist Richardson’s coffee Oreo.

I’m taking the day off to do party prep.

No, unless he wanted to become our live-in man-wife.

Surely not.

Well, not as many as are on my List, so yay for promiscuity!


Yes indeedy.

Yup. Not butterfly, which is a freaky stroke anyway.

Not a bit.

I do… and sometimes I don’t.

Shiny honey caramel-y blondey-brown. Like my good friend Jennifer Aniston’s.


Fresh-cut grass and coconut.

I’ve gone most of a day lots of times, but I don’t think ever a whole day.


North, obviously.

I’d be delighted. And warily considering what life would be like behind the wheel of a double stroller.

Jeans, but I love my Old Navy sweats for hanging around the house.



Dammit, no! What is this obsession with the wearing of the socks?

Ick. No.

Yes, god, I remember once in New York, we were going to see Rent and I must have been overly emotional but there was this frail-looking older man on the train drinking a bottle of orange juice and he seemed so lonely and sweet that it set me off and I cried silently all night. There was also the day I was exhausted and heavily pregnant and cried at Cracker Barrel, causing the other diners to look up from their troughs of chicken-fried steak and dumplins’ and think, “What’s with that chick? Oh, well. Pass the biscuits.”

I’m gonna go ahead and say yes. I’ve shared some good laughs with people.

Last week I told her she was great at party planning.

I talk to one of them often, on IM anyway.

Yeah! Good stuff.

Well, Joe of course. No others, honey! Hehe.

Yes, a few times. Love it, need to go back soon.

Right now I’m liking both Top Chef and the Next Food Network Star, but I get the contestants confused.

Fo shizzle.

Old. Western. No.

I was going to say probably not, but then I remembered about Clerks.


Newark is nasty. Baltimore is pretty much a hole. St. John in New Brunswick was crappy, by Canadian standards.

Too many… Barcelona, Rome, Edinburgh.

Yes – did my study abroad there.

Eighteen hours… from Somerville, MA to Summerville, SC.

English. Creative Writing. Art. Journalism.


Black or silver.

The older I get, the more I love early morning. I experience fleeting disappointment when it gets to about 11:00 a.m. on weekends.

Hmm, perhaps.

No, god, no no no and I never will.

Liv’s party! And taking some vacation.

Not that I know of.

I’ve been known to talk. Joe says I sometimes snore oh so softly. And when I was a kid once, I sleepwalked down to where my parents were sitting and started screaming, “THEY’RE ALL OVER YOU! THEY’RE ALL OVER YOU!”

No. But I do have a weird thing about looking out the windows or in mirrors when it’s dark. Not like a THING, just a little thing.

GOD I LOVE SURVEYS! (keep em coming)
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Not me personally, but I’ve had two close calls related to cars I was riding in. In college some friends and I were driving around in New Hampshire and we were stopped for having a broken headlight. The kid driving was high as a kite and the rest of us were drunk and underage. We had open containers in the car as well. The cop took a good long look-see with his flashlight, but ultimately didn’t push the issue and let us go. Another time, Amanda and I were driving up to Montreal the day after hosting a party at my parents’ house. We cleaned up after the party, threw a garbage bag full of empties into Amanda’s trunk, and took off. Then we were stopped by the border patrol. They asked us to pull over, show our passports, answer a bunch of ridiculous questions, and step out of the car for search. The border officer opened the trunk and rattled the garbage bag. Fortunately for us, it was a Canadian border officer and the legal drinking age in Canada is 18.

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
No – I love roller coasters, except for the excruciatingly slow, click-click-click-click climb to the first summit.

3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
Forever ago. My neighbors up the street had a huge hill in the woods behind their house. You could pick up great speed and we would build jumps to catch air. Sometimes we crashed into trees. It was awesome.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
With someone. I’m a pretty good sleeper, and I sleep on the edge of the mattress no matter the size of the bed, so I never feel encroached on.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
Mostly yes. I’m definitely fascinated by them. Never had a paranormal experience, though.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Yes, but it’s not like I go home after work and build furniture and paint it wild colors or make crazy collages or sew my kid’s clothes or anything.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
Sure. And even if he didn’t, he’s still a jackass.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
I don’t know. They both seem okay. Maybe I’d rather hang out with Jennifer Aniston, because she’s good friends with Catherine Keener, and the three of us could make a nice little trio, hanging out at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf and writing on our Macs side-by-side by Jen’s pool.

9. Do you stay friends with your ex's?
One in particular, yes. The others I mostly don’t care about.

9. Do you know how to play poker?
Nope. I kind of hate card games that involve a regular deck. I like Uno, Skip-Bo, Quiddler and Five Crowns, though.

10. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
No. Maybe 36 hours, barely.

11. What's your favorite commercial?
The Aflac one with the goat that goes, “Nah! Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah.”

12. What are you allergic to?
Nothing, really.

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights?
Eh, sometimes. If the light is taking forever. And there’s truly nobody around.

15. Have you ever had a Choco Taco?
No… I’ve had a Cool Dog though, which is the ice cream hot dog they serve at Fenway.

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
Sox, baby. Sorry, Joe and Kate, but the Jankees can suck it.

17. Have you ever been ice skating?
Only once, and I sucked very badly. I suck at rollerblading too, so maybe it’s a balance thing. I used to kick ass at roller skating. Give me four huge wheels and a rubber stopper and I’ll make “Everything She Wants” by Wham! come to life.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
Almost never. I do remember a dream from last night. I had two phones on my desk, and one of them was a direct line to my father’s office, and I kept picking up that one by mistake, and he was getting annoyed.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
It might have been this week. Joe and I have been watching the World Series of Pop Culture on Vh1 and hearing straight-man Pat Kiernan (my favorite NY1 anchor) say “ass” and “skank” and “self-dalliance” is funny as hell.

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
Yes… way more than 5.

21. What's the one thing on your mind now?
Pat Kiernan saying, “Tanya got a big ol' butt / Theresa got a big ol' butt / Irene got a big ol' butt / Shirley got a big ol' butt.”

22. Do you believe in love at first sight?
If it does happen, I think it’s a happy coincidence.

23. Do you put salt on a turkey dinner?

24. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yes, partly because my car trills angrily at me when I don’t. Point for you, Ford Motor Company.

25. What cell service do you use?

26. Do you like sushi?
I do! I’m not too adventurous in my selections, but I tried eel and didn’t die, so yeah.

27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
No, I don’t think so. I have narrowly avoided, “Crap, that would have been an insurance nightmare” accidents.

28. What do you wear to bed?
A tank top and pj bottoms.

29. Been caught stealing?

30. Do you pee in the pool?
No. It turns green, you know. Or purple if you buy that stuff.

31. Do you truly hate anyone?
No, what’s the point?

32. Bluegrass or Rap?
Hmm. Well, definitely not bluegrass, so I guess rap.

33. Is there anything you're interested in that other people would find weird?
Abandoned mental institutions, anyone?

34. Skim, 1%, 2%, or whole?
1%. Skim is like blue water, and 2%+ might as well be cream.

35. What food do you find disgusting?
Green peppers, particularly in air form!

36. Windows or Macintosh?

37. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
Sure! Just yester… I mean, way back in the day.

38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Back in school, yes (sorry, friend from high school who shaved her forearms). I agree that poking fun to someone’s face is far more enjoyable. It’s all out of love!

39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Have I? I don’t know if that situation has ever presented itself. I’m sure I would, though, if I agreed strongly with that person’s side of a situation.

40. Have you ever sung in front of the mirror?
Sure. I used to dress up in my 80’s best and pretend to be on tour with Debbie Gibson.

A Plethora of Perlustration Propagated by a Paucity of Posts
1. Are any of your toes on your foot connected?
No. I am not an amphibian.

2. Which do you use more a pen or pencil?
Pen… I don’t think I’ve picked up a pencil in 5 years. I wonder if there’s like one No. 2 factory still chugging along, having lots of strategy meetings leading up to the seasonal SAT rush, before slumping back into redundancy mode.

3. Look at your planner for June 30th. What, if anything, do you have planned?
My planner is my work calendar, so it doesn’t say anything for that date, but I went to Lola’s boyfriend’s house and we took Olivia swimming in his pool with the scary ladder.

3. Do you use toothpaste?
Yes, Crest. After the dollar-store-Colgate-made-in-China scare, I casually checked to see where mine was made. Mexico, if you’re interested.

4. What was the last thing you dreamed about?
I don’t seem to dream much anymore. Nothing I can remember, anyway. My pseudo-dreams are always some slightly altered version of something that did or could have happened, and then I forget about it two seconds later.

6. What color is your bedroom carpet?
My bedroom has hardwood floors. Why do we always say “hardwood” instead of just “wood” when it comes to flooring? You wouldn’t say, “Throw some more hardwood in the fire.”

7. How many passengers does your car hold?
Three adults and one child. Olivia’s in a new car seat now, and it’s not in the middle anymore, but maybe you could get 2 adults back there if you squished.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
Yes! For about two days.

9. What is your favorite canned soup?
Tomato… made with milk and served with a grilled cheese sandwich. YUM.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Russia?
Not really. My aunt had Russian exchange students whom I met, and they probably went back there afterwards, but whatever. They were always pale and quiet, with blue eyes and a voracious desire for Levi’s 501 jeans.

11. Did you ever go into a room and forget what you went in there for?
Of course

12. Who is the last baby that you held?
That would be Miss Livvy.

13. Do you know all the words to The Star Spangled Banner?

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
A gray Honda Accord.

16. Pick one, having an STD or sharing a bed with Michael Jackson?
Is it a curable STD? I mean, I wouldn’t pick herpes over MJ, but if it was like… uh, something short-lived that presented few or no symptoms, then bring it on!

17. Last time you went to the zoo?
A long time ago… I think the last zoo I went to was in Chicago back in 1996.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
Augh, don’t get me started. There are wallpaper borders lurking throughout my house. We have stripped two of the biggest offenders, but there are still borders in the kitchen, office, and downstairs bath.

19. Closest thing to you that is plaid?
Hm. Really not seeing any. Plaid would take away from my office’s theme of beige, lighter beige and darker beige.

20. I'm Ron Burgundy?
Are you? Stay classy, Ron.

21. Who is the last person who wrote you a check?
My grandparents, probably, for my birthday.

22. How many unframed pictures do you have in your house?
Tons. They’re in photo boxes, and most of our Olivia ones are still in the envelopes.

23. Last time you had a date that began with dinner and ended with lunch?
Well, it had to be Joe, so I’d say September 1998.

24. Have you ever applied for a job where the waitresses wear shorty shorts and halters?
No, not have I ever been a patron of such an establishment. I don’t care how good the wings are.

25. How many pairs of underwear do you have?
A bunch, but a lot of them I don’t wear. I have about 12 in regular rotation. I love buying new underwear.

26. Last time you received flowers?
Joe got me some in the past year… I forget the occasion now. When I went back to work?

27. Do you play with your hair?
I guess, when my bangs fall into my left eye, but it’s not a habit or a tic. I just enjoy having the sense of sight.

28. Do you take anything in your coffee?
Cream, one Splenda.

29. Do you have any marshmallows?
No. I’m ambivalent about marshmallows. I don’t really enjoy them on their own, but in Fluff form with peanut butter or burnty form in a s’more or melty form in hot chocolate… that’s good stuff.

30. Who was your high school's most popular female?
This girl Jamie. She was nice, smart and reasonably athletic. Everybody liked her.

31. Last person you told to f-off?
I’ve never said that to anyone in a serious way.

33. Would you like to learn to play the harp?
Can I learn during work hours? Then OK.

34. How many entryways are there into your living room?
Ah, I guess four: the slider to the deck, the stairs down to the front door, the kitchen doorway, and the hallway.

35. Last thing you read?
Nothing new in a long time… I’ve been re-reading a bunch of crap. The last new thing I read, god help me, was this. My boss gave it to all of us at our team offsite back in May.

36. What was the last pageant you attended?
Life’s rich one.

37. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
Papa Ginos. There’s no good pizza in my town anymore.

38. Ever ride in a limo?
Sure, for my proms, Joe’s grandpa’s funeral, and our wedding.

39. What is the last thing you stapled?
Papers for a file.

40. Did you ever drink milk & Pepsi?
Never together, if that’s what you’re suggesting. I’m still struggling to get comfortable with the concept of an egg cream.

41. Are your feet ticklish?
Yes. Do not try it.

42. Last time you saw fireworks?
I didn’t see any this year! Last year marked our third time seeing Chris’ highly illegal street display, complete with requisite police appearance. I was about ready to pop, and I kept wondering if the noise would bother the baby’s ears. Never mind she was in water. And well insulated.

43. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
In New York a few years ago… it was the day the front driver’s side window broke and fell down into the door, and we had a 4-hour drive in the cold and rain to look forward to. We had the guys at the hotel parking garage cover up the window with some plastic and duct tape, then went to an uptown Krispy Kreme to drown our sorrows in sugar.

44. Who is the last person that drove you somewhere?
Maybe my sister?

45. Last time you parked under a carport?

46. Do you have a black dog?
No. I did visit The Black Dog in Chatham last month.

47. Do you have any A1 in your fridge?
Yes – god, what fridge is complete without it?

48. Are you a dominating person?
I have a lot of opinions and confidence, so sometimes, yeah.

49. Who has the prettiest toes that you know of?
Olivia. I don’t really inspect people’s feet.

50. When is the last time you saw a transvestite?
That would be 1994. I was in Paris, on the Metro, and there was a vagrant transvestite curled up on the seat trying to sleep. She was skinny in an obviously male way, and she had on a fake-looking wig, too-bright lipstick, torn stockings, pointy high heels, a black miniskirt, and a green barn jacket. She was eating a crusty baguette from her jacket pocket and getting crumbs all over. She was also mumbling and seemed pissed about all the people on the train.

This list of 50 random questions is pilfered.

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
At home, getting ready for work.

2. Who are you in love with?
Joe and Olivia.

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
No, not recently… hopefully not ever.

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Yes: my New Balance water bottle, some post-it notes, and a picture frame.

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
Joe and I went to the Burlington mall a couple of weeks ago to buy a new mattress.

6. Are you wearing socks right now?

7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
I drove literally out of town today, to come to work. Before that, it was our weekend down the Cape in June.

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
No. It’s not possible with a one year old.

10. Are you hot?
Hell yeah.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?

12. What are you wearing right now?
A short-sleeve polka-dot blouse. Cropped dress pants. Cute sandals.

13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
Car wash, baby.

14. Last food that you ate?

15. Where were you last week at this time?
At work, with a looming sense of dread. Much better this week.

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
Why, yes. I placed an order with oldnavy.com just yesterday.

17. When is the last time you ran?
Probably 18 months ago, at the gym. At the peak of my working outness, I would try to throw in little jags of running into my treadmill routine.

18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
Sox game… they lost in extra innings.

19. What is your favorite animal?

20. Your dream vacation?
Roadtrip… cars, trains, foreign countries, busy time and relaxing time.

21. Last person's house you were in?
My parents’ when I went to pick up Olivia on Thursday.

22. Worst injury you've ever had?
I sprained my wrist when I was a kid, riding one-handed down a hill. As an adult, I injured my heel playing tennis. That was probably worse because it was more debilitating. I missed a couple days of work and crawled around my house before I went to the doctor.

23. Have you been in love?

24. Do you miss anyone right now?
I miss Amanda… it was so great to see her last week and I hate that she lives so far away.

25. Last play you saw?
Good question… I haven’t seen a play in years. The last proper play I went to was in like 1998.

26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
My joie de vivre. I mean, boobs?

27. What are your plans for tonight?
Go home, chillax. It’s Monday.

28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?
I think my friend Amy from St. Louis.

29. Next trip you are going to take?
Maybe Montreal this fall.

30. Ever go to camp?
Not summer camp, no. But we called our cottage “camp” and so, by my definition, yes.

31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
Yes. Even in junior/senior year of high school when I stopped putting effort into anything but my electives.

32. What do you want to know about the future?
Are my children going to ack rite?

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?

34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
Yeah… I got a reminder card from my GYN. I also have a dentist appt sometime this summer. I could probably use a physical, but I was all doctored out for a while there.

35. Where is your best friend?
At work, I assume.

36. How is your best friend?
She’s awesome.

37. Do you have a tan?
Not much of one… whatever color I did have is fading fast.

38. What are you listening to right now?
Office noises… papers rustling, myself typing, file drawer closing, phone dialing, neighbor talking to herself.

39. Do you collect anything?
I have a half-ass collection of matchbooks, which I keep in a little box in the kitchen. A lot of places don’t have matchbooks anymore.

40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
Everyone… it’s the human condition.

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
I ran a red light in Waltham a couple years ago. I got a ticket and paid it bitterly.

42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
Sure, fool.

43. What does your last text message say?
“Does Olivia have Make Way for Ducklings?”

44. Do you like hot sauce?

45. Last time you took a shower?
5:30 this morning.

46. Do you need to do laundry?
Nope, we did it over the weekend.

47. What is your heritage?
Italian, French, English and Polish.

48. Are you someone's best friend?

49. Are you rich?
Rich and creamy.

50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?
Sleeping like a log.