Love Letter circa 1992

9:39 P.M. 5-13

PARENTALLY CENSORED: In English it means only you + me should see this note!

Dear Melissa,

I hate writing through mail but since we aren't talking tonight (Wed 5-13) I felt like writing. I guess it's probably because I'm lonely and I miss you. By the time you get this it will seem outdated news, but the Red Sox are winning 2-0 in the fourth inning and I'm watching the Celts game now and they certainly aren't doing as well. (78-68 Cleveland is winning in the 3rd quarter as of 9:40 p.m.).

O.K. - I'm turning off Pearl Jam (something I'd never do) to put in some music to inspire me, Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge. God Melissa, lonely as I am, together we cry... how true. Take me to the place (or person) I love, take me all the way... take me all the way... take me all the way...

I can't stop writing those true words. I also can't stop thinking about you in your "Mysterious Ways" (U2). What can I say... "I Adore Mi Amore" (CMB) in other words - I adore, my love... in my words. I'd do anything for you and I'd listen to you about anything and take me all the way...

What I'm trying to say is that I love you so much and I want to share it with you in a time that would bring the gods to there (sp?) knees. That's how I feel.

Love,
[Horny fifteen year old boy]

P.S. Dee had 12 points tonight. Well, the Celts lost 114-98.
P.P.S. Ren + Stimpy kick!
P.P.P.S. Here are some supplies of Topps Stadium Club cards and a Mike Pagliarulo rookie, Dee Brown, and a Scott Cooper rookie.
P.P.P.P.S. Through all this mess, I just want to say, I love you... simply.


I've been trying to decide which part is funniest: is it his obsessive recording of the date, time, and sports scores? Is it that we were so familiar with Color Me Badd that he could safely refer to them as CMB? Is it that he was trying to woo me with baseball cards? Is it his thoughtful and informed opinion of Ren and Stimpy?

After careful consideration, I have to go with his diaphanous reference to sex, which involves both crippling deities and spellcheck. How about you; what do you think?

Shamelessly Pilfered (and for some reason I put an unreasonable amount of time and thought into my selections)

5 Songs From High School
Lounge Act – Nirvana
Kiss Off – Violent Femmes
Jennifer’s Body – Hole
Driver 8 – REM
Monkey Gone to Heaven – Pixies

5 More Songs From High School
I See - Letters to Cleo
Prove Yourself – Radiohead
Underdogs of Nipomo – Archers of Loaf
Rearviewmirror – Pearl Jam
Only in Dreams – Weezer

5 Songs From College
Dancing Nancies – Dave Matthews Band
Pillars of Davidson – Live
Ready or Not – The Fugees
Circle – Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians
Get it Together – Beastie Boys

5 More Songs From College
Mona Lisa – Guster
Doin It – LL Cool J
Tired of Sex – Weezer
Goldfinger – Ash (holy shit I loved this song)
Hurricane – Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories

5 Songs From My Childhood
Leader of the Band – Dan Fogelberg
I Love a Rainy Night – Eddie Rabbit
Mandy – Barry Manilow
Valeri – the Monkees
Sara – Starship

5 More Songs From My Childhood
Please Don’t Go Girl – New Kids on the Block
Summer of ‘69 – Bryan Adams
Regret – New Order
Never Surrender – Corey Hart
La Isla Bonita – Madonna

5 Songs That Old Boyfriends Have Put on Mix Tapes For Me
Under the Bridge – Red Hot Chili Peppers
American Jesus – Bad Religion
Temptation Waits – Garbage
The Brews – NOFX
I Only Wanna Be With You – Hootie & the Blowfish (ugh, I know! This guy didn’t get me at all. One side of the tape was all pussy rock like Collective Soul and the Spin Doctors, and the other side was oldies. Who sends a tape of fucking Happy Days oldies to an eighteen year old girl? I cringed with embarrassment for him when I attempted to listen to it. Moreover, the tape was accompanied by a multi-page manifesto on the significance and meaning behind each song. But he was hot, and the only person I’ve had handcuff sex with, which is another survey entirely.)

5 Songs That Every Annoying Girl I've Ever Known Has Loved
American Pie – Don McLean
These Are the Days – Natalie Merchant
If I Had a Million Dollars – Barenaked Ladies
Yellow – Coldplay
As Long as You Love Me – Backstreet Boys

Songs That If I Found Out You Knew By Heart I'd Immediately Be Best Friends With You
Magic – America
Downeaster Alexa – Billy Joel
The Dirty Glass – Dropkick Murphys (And if you’re a guy who’d want to do a karaoke duet with me I’d buy your beers all night)
The World Will Know – Newsies soundtrack
Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice

5 Songs That I'd Slow Dance To With a Stranger, With My Head On His Shoulder and Eyes Closed, Rather Than Not Slow Dance To It At All
Lady in Red – Chris Deburgh
Alison – Elvis Costello
I Wanna Know What Love Is – Foreigner
Don’t Dream It’s Over – Crowded House
Heaven – Bryan Adams

5 Songs That Amuse Me
Elvis & Me – Denis Leary
Believe in Love – Scorpions (I love the clumsy ESL lyrics: “Baby our love’s got what it takes / To give us one more chance to start once again.” Hello, Department of Redundancy Department.)
The Bad Touch – Bloodhound Gang
Tribute – Tenacious D
Into the Night – Benny Mardones (This song is just gross. Even Kip Winger had enough restraint to leave sixteen year olds alone.)

5 Songs That I Fucking Love, I Don't Care What Anyone Says
Good Vibrations – Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch
A Man I’ll Never Be – Boston
Waiting for Tonight – Jennifer Lopez
With a Girl Like You – Joey McIntyre
Can’t Fight this Feeling – REO Speedwagon

Five Things About This Morning

1. Something was weird about my shampoo. Normally it’s pearlescent white, but this morning it seemed to have separated into layers of white and clear. Can cold do that? Oh well, my hair didn’t fall out or anything.

2. I had considerable trouble deciding what to wear, because everything I looked at, I kept thinking, “No, I might want to wear that on Thanksgiving.” What? Why? My family doesn’t care what I wear. I watch too much Stacy and Clinton.

3. On the highway, I passed a van with “Triple AAA Heating” stenciled on it. Nine A? Okay, why not.

4. I played personal DJ and listened to the following:
“True Faith” by New Order
“You Are What You Love” by the Watson Twins with Jenny Lewis
“All the Pretty Faces” by the Killers – this is from the Sam’s Town bonus disc and so deliciously heavy and pounding, I love it.
“Bastards on Parade” by the Dropkick Murphys – I don’t have a drop of Irish blood in me, but this song’s solo makes me want to get drunk on Beamish and dry gulch someone.

5. I was the first one in my department to arrive, so I played with my gold slinky. I set it up to walk down my monitor stand to my laptop to my keyboard to my chair. It got stuck on the keyboard.

We don't need your whiny ass

Ever heard the song "Boston" by Augustana? Lyrics go:

She said I think I'll go to Boston.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly 'em out to Spain.
I think I'll go to Boston.
I think that I'm just tired.
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of Sunset,
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice, oh yeah

Thanks, but no. We get enough non-natives who come here for college, spend four years clogging Allston-Brighton with their out-of-state bestickered Volkswagens/boxy old Volvos/ancient rusting Saabs/Daddy's cast-off late-model Acuras and almost getting killed by a T trolley while crossing Comm. Ave, and then decide they want to stay after graduation.

Thank Christ September 1 is ten months away.

House Survey (it's truly amazing how much my threshold for tedium increases between 7:30 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.)

The Living Room

How many pieces of furniture are in your living room?
Fifteen: couch, loveseat, coffee table, end tables (2), entertainment center, dining room table, dining chairs (6), china cabinet, and buffet.

Do you have a fireplace/woodstove?
Neither. There’s a woodstove in the downstairs family room.

How many lamps do you have?
Three.

Do you have a TV? What kind?
It’s a JVC.

Do you have an entertainment center or just a stand?
Entertainment center.

What kind of flooring do you have?
Berber carpeting.

Are there any area rugs?
No.

Do you have artwork on the walls?
Mostly prints, plus a wrought iron candle holder that looks like a tree.

Do you have a lot photos displayed?
Like five? Not too many.

What is/are your favorite thing(s) in your living room?
The tchotchkes I’ve gathered from my family’s and my travels… a Russian matrushka doll, a Venetian glass vase, a Spanish mosaic platter, a piece of Australian aboriginal pottery, and a South American wood bowl painted with pigmented resin.

The Kitchen

How many countertop appliances do you have?
Actually on the counter: microwave, toaster oven, KitchenAid mixer
Buried deep in the cabinets: blender, mini Cuisinart, Gizmo can opener

Do you have a dishwasher?
Yes, but we want a new one; ours is old and too small.

Do you have a lot of cupboards?
Twelve above, seven below, plus eight drawers.

Do you have a lot of counter space?
Enough to work with.

Is there a countertop bar?
Yes.

Do you have a phone in your kitchen?
Yes.

What kind of cookware do you have?
It’s called Cook’s Essentials. My mom bought it for us from QVC. Despite that, it’s held up well. We don’t do enough cooking to warrant All-Clad or Calphalon.

Do you have an "eat in" kitchen?
Yes. We have a table and chairs, but we never eat there.

What kind of flooring do you have?
Beige tile.

Do you keep pictures on your refrigerator?
Only a couple, both of Olivia… ironically, we have too many magnets to be able to hang very many things (Red, is that proper use of irony? Incongruity between what you’d expect and what actually is?)

What is your favorite thing in the kitchen?
The lazy-Susan cabinet.

The Bedroom

How many bedrooms are in your house?
Four.

How many beds are in your bedrooms?
One in the master, one in the guest room, and Olivia’s crib.

What size is the bed you sleep on?
Queen.

What kind of comforter/bedspread do you have?
Right now it’s this but we have this in waiting, once we get around to stripping the wallpaper border and painting the walls.

What kind of flooring is in there?
Hardwood, carpet in the guest room.

What kind of closet do you have?
Joe, Olivia and I each have a double closet with folding louvered doors.

What other furniture is there besides a bed?
Two bureaus, one nightstand and one TV stand.

Do you have a head board / foot board?
Yes… it’s a sleigh bed.

Is there a phone in your bedroom?
Yes.

What is your favorite thing in your bedroom?
The bed!

The Bathroom

How many bathrooms are in your house?
Two.

What kind of toilet paper is there?
Scott, one-ply because we have septic.

What color is your bathroom?
The walls are beige, the floor is beige and green tile, the fixtures and crown molding are white, and the vanity is white beadboard with a beige Corian top.

Do you have a bathtub?
Yes, and it’s a Jacuzzi!

Do you use a bath poof or a washcloth?
Poof all the way.

What kind of hand soap is at the sink?
It’s Bath & Body Works Exotic Coconut.

Do you have any "hair tools" in your bathroom?
A dryer and a flatiron.

Are there any magazines for entertainment while you do "your business"?
No.

Do you have doors or a shower curtain? What kind of shower curtain?
Shower curtain. It’s cream and made of crinkly sheer fabric, with two big horizontal panels of lace.

Is there a phone in your bathroom?
No, but there is a jack. Maybe we’ll put one in as a conversation piece, and then call our guests while they’re in there.

What is your favorite thing in your bathroom?
It would probably be the Jacuzzi tub, but I’ve never used it. So I’ll say the double vanity… his and hers sinks and tons of storage.

Misc.

Do you have a garage? If so, what's in there?
Yes. The lawnmower, old paint cans, my bike, some boxes, my grandmother’s tea cart (which I must rescue), the ceiling fan we keep intending to have installed, the recycling, the garbage bins, snow shovels, rakes, a bag of fertilizer and some random house parts like gutters, screens, etc.

Do you have a yard? If so, do you have any flowers/landscaping?
Yes, both front and back. There are landscaped flower beds all over, which I fear we will not maintain as well as the previous owner [’s lawn service] did.

Do you have a fence?
Yes… the backyard is completely fenced.

Do you have a patio or deck?
A deck.

How many people live in your house?
Three.

How many pets live in your house?
None.

How many cars live at your house?
Two.

Do you have a dining room? If so, what kind of table do you have?
Not separately. We have a rectangular cherry table.

Where is your computer located in your house?
In the living room, under the end table between the couches, so we can grab it easily.

What is your favorite thing about your house?
Probably the pine ceiling and skylights in the living room/kitchen.

Weekend escape

Joe and I went up to Meredith, NH this weekend for our belated anniversary celebration. It was our first night away since Olivia was born and it was so hard to leave her. We stood in my parents’ kitchen Saturday morning stalling and hesitating and kissing her over and over until they finally kicked us out.

We visit the Lake Winnipesaukee area just about every year. It’s an easy day trip, best taken on a whim. I’ve been going since I was a kid, as it’s also a leisurely drive from the cottage in Maine where we used to spend our summers.

The towns of Laconia and Meredith are like Goofus and Gallant. Laconia is honky-tonk, teeming with motels that boast COLOR TV and a boardwalk lined with sagging Victorians, arcades, and tattoo parlors. Laconia plays host to the annual Motorcycle Week. Meredith is more refined, with tasteful inns and artsy shops. We stayed at Church Landing, the newest of the Inns at Mill Falls. There used to be a Roman Catholic church there, to which I was dragged for Mass many times as a kid, but developers paid the archdiocese a boatload of money for the prime lakefront property. The Church probably had some molestation suits it needed to settle anyway, so it was a win-win situation!

Church Landing was beautiful. I highly recommend it for a romantic weekend getaway. First of all, it was 60 degrees on Saturday, unheard of in November. Yay, El Nino winter! Our package included a couples’ massage and an herbal soak at the spa. The massage was great – perfect pressure, relaxing to the point of otherworldliness, turned my muscles to liquid. And our room was cozy, rustic and gorgeous:




Dinner was at the most charming restaurant I’ve ever been to, a tiny, thirteen-table place made to look like an Adirondack-style summer camp. It was called—surprise!—Camp. We had a choice of eight restaurants and ended up being so grateful that our first choice was booked up. We loved, loved, loved Camp. Check it out – so cute!


Our table had dozens of names carved into it, which we spent the meal reading (personal favorites: Capt. Larry Tanner and The Murphinator). And the food was amazing. Not what you’d expect at all. I had a pomegranate martini, a homemade crab cake with spicy chipotle sauce, a haddock fillet topped with crab, artichoke and fontina cheese and served with summer veggies and salsa cheddar mashed potatoes. And a s’more for dessert, but not a typical s’more… a s’more on steroids. This dessert was no joke: graham crackers, chunks of Hershey bar, vanilla ice cream and hot fudge, with four toasted marshmallows on skewers. Unbelievable.

In the morning we woke up to the cool, gray, still lake.




Sunday brunch was at the Lakehouse and totally decadent. Any brunch that includes a raw bar and a chocolate dipping fountain is all right by me.

On our way home we saw Borat. It was quirky, off the wall, and worth seeing. We killed some time before the movie at Bon Ton, where we picked up a couple of gifts for Olivia, including a little Santa to hang from her activity bar and this thing called a Winkle, which she’s playing with here:


She likes it, that’s all that matters. And her little sleeper? That’s a Red Sox sleeper, which I snuck into her bag, to Joe’s chagrin. I feel justified, however, seeing as the Patriots lost to the Jets yesterday.

When we got home, we did laundry and I took a nap with Olivia. Look at her – so beautiful.


We had some family news this weekend, both good and bad. The good: my cousin gave birth to her second son, Benjamin. We went to visit her in the hospital Friday night and he was a tiny, fragile, beautiful creature. I hope he and his big brother go easy on Olivia as they grow up. The bad: my mom’s sister was diagnosed with Stage 3 bladder cancer. It hasn’t metastasized, and they’re going to battle it with a specific type of chemotherapy which is delivered right to the source via catheterization, and we’re all hopeful, but it’s still shocking and sad. Circle of life, I guess, you know?

74 things I love

1. The flipping sound of the arrival/departure board in a train station
2. Black cashmere turtleneck sweaters
3. The act of transferring to a new bag or wallet
4. Faded old advertisements on the sides of brick buildings
5. Postcards, sending and receiving
6. Daffodils poking their heads out of the snow
7. Getting up early to embark on a road trip
8. The supercharged feeling in the air before a thunderstorm
9. Being flooded with memories when I smell a perfume I used to wear
10. The way a hazelnut coffee immediately makes work 43% more palatable
11. Olivia’s big smile when our faces appear over her crib
12. Wandering around the Village
13. BBC World News
14. Lists: groceries, errands, what to pack for vacation
15. When a good movie is randomly on TV, even if I own the DVD
16. Playing loud music while I clean the house
17. Blueberry muffins spread with butter
18. Rearranging my closet for the season
19. Pearl River Mart
20. Henry Rollins’ spoken word
21. Getting my passport stamped
22. Relaxing on the couch while Olivia sleeps on my chest
23. The sound of shoes clicking on a hardwood floor
24. Shapely three-quarter length wool coats
25. Browsing in HomeGoods
26. Feeling tired and satisfied after a day of hard work
27. Opening the moonroof and blasting “More Than a Feeling” on the first reasonable spring day
28. Finely mashed tuna fish with a bit of mayo, chopped dill pickle, coarse ground black pepper, and a splash of lemon juice
29. Fresh sheets
30. People-watching in a busy hotel lobby
31. Successfully hailing a cab
32. Long fancy dinners that include aperitif, appetizer, entree, dessert, and digestif
33. Swimming in lakes
34. Having my engagement ring cleaned and polished by a jeweler
35. The way the blueberries bob in a pint of Wachusett
36. Science programs about the universe
37. The jovial atmosphere at work the day before a holiday break
38. Al fresco dining
39. Lilacs
40. The same-but-different feeling of being in Canada
41. Reef flip-flops
42. Finding our seats at Fenway and realizing we have better tickets than we thought
43. Driving by a church and seeing a wedding party outside
44. Lighting up the Christmas tree when I come home
45. Mentally absorbing a place I may never visit again
46. Thick, chewy brownies just slightly underdone in the middle
47. Editing PowerPoint presentations until they’re absolutely perfect
48. Blowing up and framing my own photographs
49. Watching someone open a gift I know they’re going to like
50. The idea of a winter wedding
51. Kids’ feety pajamas
52. The vigorous scalp massage during a salon shampoo
53. Staying in and watching overdramatic news coverage during a snowstorm
54. Scarves
55. Dirty martinis with extra olives
56. Reading trashy celebrity rags in the waiting room
57. Bike riding
58. When I actually stop biting my nails long enough to get a manicure
59. The idea of having Samantha Brown’s job
60. Going grocery shopping at 10:00 p.m. on a Friday night
61. Helping a caterpillar off the concrete and into the grass
62. Tom Brady’s ass
63. Discussions about politics, civics and moral issues
64. Taking the train instead of flying
65. Outdoor summer concerts
66. Shower gels that smell like yummy foodstuffs
67. Playing Tetris
68. The seat warmers in my car
69. Creamy tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches
70. Greatest hits collections
71. Running a category in Jeopardy!
72. Giving Olivia a bath
73. Big purses that can hold everything
74. Condé Nast Traveller magazine

And a few things I could do without:
1. Hearing people cough
2. When the hotel shower curtain billows inward and sticks to my skin
3. Small talk
4. Soap operas
5. When my jeans come out of the dryer still damp
6. Burnt Dunkin’ Donuts coffee
7. The majority of classic literature
8. At the gas pump, overshooting a whole dollar amount by $.01
9. Ford Escorts

Survey-larity

What brand of shirt are you wearing?
INC, a Macy’s brand.

Would you kiss any of your friends?
Yes, and have… with permission, of course.

How many kids do you want to have?
Two. As someone once pointed out, nobody ever wins a free trip for five.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Yes. And I see them practically every day now, which is a major change from our former maybe-once-a-month pattern.

What did you do for your last birthday?
I went to the OB/GYN and heard Olivia’s heartbeat for the first time.

What time did you wake up today?
5:15 a.m.

What were you doing at midnight last night?
Being roused from a light sleep by Olivia fussing in her crib.

Name something you can’t wait to do?
I can’t wait to kick carbs again and hit that zone where all cravings disappear.

Last time you fell asleep next to someone?
Last night.

What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
I’d like more time and money to travel.

What was the last thing you ate?
A salad: cucumber, cherry tomatoes, hard-boiled eggs, chicken, green olives and sunflower seeds over iceberg lettuce. Our cafeteria has a horrible dressing selection and I’m tempted to bring in my own Ken’s Italian with Aged Romano.

What's your favorite month?
It’s a toss-up between July and October.

Least favorite month?
March, hands down. I go insane in March because of this: we’ll have a sunny day in the 50s and then a blizzard that night. The snow will start to melt the next day and the roads will get that death glare and I’ll have to put on my windshield wipers 800 times and then I’ll run out of wiper fluid and the dirty streaks will dry and completely obscure my vision. I’ll swing by the carwash because my vehicle is crusted over like a salt cod and it’ll be beautiful the next morning but then, during work, a front will come through that dumps freezing rain with six inches of snow on top and it will take 45 minutes standing in the parking lot in the dark to chisel off the ice. And then the next day it’ll be 60. March is nothing but a cocktease.

What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone?
Hmm. I wore Joe’s Dropkick Murphys sweatshirt once when I was cold, but that was a while ago.

Who's getting on your nerves right now?
Nobody. Why hate?

Would you help your best friend in a fight if he/she was losing?
Definitely. That’s something I hope I never have to do, not for altruistic reasons but because I’d like to think my friends could kick anyone’s ass.

Coke or Pepsi?
Regular Coke, but Diet Pepsi

How often do you see your crush?
Please, you should see the people I’m surrounded by every day. Enough middle-aged paunches and wrinkle-free Dockers to sink a ship.

Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past week?
Joe, Olivia, mom, dad.

Three reasons we didn’t get any trick-or-treaters, or else the neighborhood just hates us

1. The paving contractor finished our driveway yesterday and put up a tape barrier; ergo, nobody dared walk on it.

2. Our front light blew out the other day and we haven’t replaced it because we don't have a ladder.

3. Our doorbell doesn’t work.

Not the most welcoming house on the block. Now we’re stuck with 3 bags’ worth of Kit-Kat, Mike & Ike and Tootsie Rolls, and we didn’t get to show off our little pumpkin to anyone except Joe’s friend Brian and his girl, who came over briefly to borrow the 24 Season 4 DVDs. Cute though, yes?