Welcome to Dane - The Way Life Should Be

It's been raining for a week and small towns up north are being wiped off the map from flooding.
People are pissing their neighbors off by borrowing weed-whackers and not returning them.
Global warming is going to cause us to boil in our own juices.
Women still don't make as much money as men.
The sun is going to become a red giant and swallow the Earth.
Teens are becoming addicted to drugs as we speak.
Old people are being swindled out of their life savings by con artists.
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are separating.
A random species of South American insect has just gone extinct.
Deadbeat dads are starting new families with unsuspecting future exes.
People stuck in marathon meetings have to pee.
Unrequited love is resulting in a lot of bad poetry.
A lemon is coming off the assembly line.
Artificial sweeteners and cell phones are going to give us cancer.
Manufacturing jobs are being shipped overseas.
Some people think Godfather III was the best in the trilogy.
There is nothing good on the radio.
The war in Iraq is never going to end.
People are conducting extramarital affairs in seedy motel rooms.
A favorite shirt has been shrunk in the dryer.
But I'm not worrying about any of that today, because I have a 3-day weekend.