1. What would be your first purchase after winning the lottery?
A house. Not a mansion, but a nice house in a great neighborhood with a large family room, a gorgeous kitchen, and a big backyard. Hardwood floors, central air, garage and granite countertops go without saying, right?
2. What have you always wanted to have/do/be, but know is forever out of reach?
I have always wanted to go into space.
3. Who in your family are you most like?
I have a little bit from both sides… I’m social and conscientious like my mom, but not as much of a pacifier or pleaser. I’m also strong-minded and independent like my nana, but not as argumentative or emotionally stoic.
4. How long would you last on Fear Factor?
I’d never go on it in the first place. I don’t like competition, pressure or eating nasty stuff. The potential winnings wouldn’t be worth it.
5. Describe your sense of humor.
I’m not nearly as sarcastic as I used to be. I think I appreciate absurdity and observation more now.
6. T/F: All I need to know I learned in kindergarten?
True, for the most part. Share, be nice, no hitting or biting.
7. Religion or politics?
This is a painful question. I’d probably have to go with government.
8. What’s your favorite word?
I like the word “solipsistic.” Not that I get many chances to work it into everyday conversation.
9. Can you macarena?
Was this written in 1998? Shamefully, I can.
10. “Is it true that if you don’t use it, you lose it?”
“Is that a serious question?”
“Um… no.”
11. Why do you fill out online surveys like this?
Who knows, because I feel like telling the world I like chocolate more than vanilla. You know you care.
12. What are you most afraid to do, but have always wanted to try?
Skydiving.
13. What is the funniest joke you’ve heard?
I love Mitch Hedberg’s bit about club sandwiches:
“I like my sandwiches to have three pieces of bread instead of two.”
“Me too! Let’s form a club.”
“Great! And we don’t cut our sandwiches in half, we cut ‘em into little triangles.”
“Let me ask you: how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?”
“I’m for ‘em!”
“I like sprouts on my sandwiches.”
“Get the fuck out of here! You aren’t in this club.”
14. How many “where were you when...?” moments do you have?
I remember where I was when the Red Sox won the World Series (at home, going “Huh, they really did it, it’s really happening. Nice.” Delayed reaction, as you can see). I remember where I was when the OJ verdict came down (at the dining hall, and they made an announcement that the verdict was coming, and we all ran back to our dorms), and when 9/11 started going down (at work – my mom called and said “A plane just hit the WTC!” Five minutes later she called back and said “Oh my god, another plane just hit.” That’s when we all left our cubes and tried to find a TV or radio to find out what was happening).
15. What is the most memorable offhand remark you’ve heard/said?
“T.P.S. report. Is that like the new monthly reports?” (A guy who’s never seen Office Space, commenting on the T.P.S. report cover sheet on my wall)
16. “What is the average air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”
Shut up. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
17. Make up your own question:
Would you rather walk in on your parents having sex, or have them walk in on you?
It would probably be less traumatizing to be walked in on. They expect me to be having sex. I expect them to be sitting in the living room doing needlepoint and reading the paper.
A house. Not a mansion, but a nice house in a great neighborhood with a large family room, a gorgeous kitchen, and a big backyard. Hardwood floors, central air, garage and granite countertops go without saying, right?
2. What have you always wanted to have/do/be, but know is forever out of reach?
I have always wanted to go into space.
3. Who in your family are you most like?
I have a little bit from both sides… I’m social and conscientious like my mom, but not as much of a pacifier or pleaser. I’m also strong-minded and independent like my nana, but not as argumentative or emotionally stoic.
4. How long would you last on Fear Factor?
I’d never go on it in the first place. I don’t like competition, pressure or eating nasty stuff. The potential winnings wouldn’t be worth it.
5. Describe your sense of humor.
I’m not nearly as sarcastic as I used to be. I think I appreciate absurdity and observation more now.
6. T/F: All I need to know I learned in kindergarten?
True, for the most part. Share, be nice, no hitting or biting.
7. Religion or politics?
This is a painful question. I’d probably have to go with government.
8. What’s your favorite word?
I like the word “solipsistic.” Not that I get many chances to work it into everyday conversation.
9. Can you macarena?
Was this written in 1998? Shamefully, I can.
10. “Is it true that if you don’t use it, you lose it?”
“Is that a serious question?”
“Um… no.”
11. Why do you fill out online surveys like this?
Who knows, because I feel like telling the world I like chocolate more than vanilla. You know you care.
12. What are you most afraid to do, but have always wanted to try?
Skydiving.
13. What is the funniest joke you’ve heard?
I love Mitch Hedberg’s bit about club sandwiches:
“I like my sandwiches to have three pieces of bread instead of two.”
“Me too! Let’s form a club.”
“Great! And we don’t cut our sandwiches in half, we cut ‘em into little triangles.”
“Let me ask you: how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?”
“I’m for ‘em!”
“I like sprouts on my sandwiches.”
“Get the fuck out of here! You aren’t in this club.”
14. How many “where were you when...?” moments do you have?
I remember where I was when the Red Sox won the World Series (at home, going “Huh, they really did it, it’s really happening. Nice.” Delayed reaction, as you can see). I remember where I was when the OJ verdict came down (at the dining hall, and they made an announcement that the verdict was coming, and we all ran back to our dorms), and when 9/11 started going down (at work – my mom called and said “A plane just hit the WTC!” Five minutes later she called back and said “Oh my god, another plane just hit.” That’s when we all left our cubes and tried to find a TV or radio to find out what was happening).
15. What is the most memorable offhand remark you’ve heard/said?
“T.P.S. report. Is that like the new monthly reports?” (A guy who’s never seen Office Space, commenting on the T.P.S. report cover sheet on my wall)
16. “What is the average air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”
Shut up. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
17. Make up your own question:
Would you rather walk in on your parents having sex, or have them walk in on you?
It would probably be less traumatizing to be walked in on. They expect me to be having sex. I expect them to be sitting in the living room doing needlepoint and reading the paper.
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