To the Motherfucker in the Lexus SUV:

I wish I hadn't stopped at the drive-up ATM this morning because then I wouldn't have gone down River Street and I never would've had to know you existed. You are a ball munching ass cracker. When I was starting to make a right-hand turn at the Dunkin' Donuts, you came barreling past and almost killed us both. I had a yellow light, so you had a red, and you clearly ran the fuck out of it because there's no way you could have gotten that much speed going from 0 mph on an incline.

But that was only the first of three lights that you ran, and I was only behind you for a mile. I followed you, fuming, through the four-way stop (where you didn't stop, and where I called you a dick) and then up to the next red light, which you and the guy in front of you both turned right on, even though there's a sign saying not to. And at the next red light, you wanted to go left, so you went AROUND the guy in front of you and ran that too.

When I caught up to you again, you were going up on the curb to squeeze by someone. I turned in the other direction, but I wanted to follow you to see how many other violations you were going to commit. I really hope you ran another light in view of a cop and then an 18-wheeler plowed you, but you still got the summons.

You are too stupid to live, let alone operate a vehicle.