...is go to New York and back in one day on a bus with a bunch of ninnies. My company sponsored a trip: $25 round trip, same price as the Fung Wah without the sketchiness. When my friend and I signed up we thought, "Why not? It'll be fun." When we were on the bus at 6:45 a.m. waiting to leave, we were more like, "What. The fuck. Did we do."
The whole way down we had these people behind us talking endlessly about cars: Corvettes, Mustangs, putting their midlife-crises in winter storage, blah blah blah. They had the same conversation three separate times and didn't even notice. Then there was a 9-year-old girl sitting in front of us, somebody's granddaughter, and we traumatized her by putting on Animal House. I forgot exactly how raunchy it was until they busted out the giant dildo.
We arrived in the city just before noon. My friend and I took off for the subway and went down to 23rd Street to the new Comfort Diner. The new one is pretty big and serves alcohol. We had brunch, yummy omelets and fruit. Then we walked down Broadway to Union Square, stopping in Fish's Eddy, passing the farmer's market, and purchasing a socially conscious T-shirt for her husband. We jumped on the subway to Prince Street, went to Pearl River Mart, then pushed our way down Canal Street to the train again. We were almost in no-man's land, that TriBeCa area where there are no subways, and I was starting to see signs for the West Side highway, but the 9 was there and we took it back up to 14th Street. We walked the long tunnel to the F train and went up to 34th Street to go to Macy's. Macy's was a zoo, a horrible, writhing ant farm of humanity, and we wanted to escape pretty much as soon as we got there. So we walked east on a side street until we saw a guy with a Starbucks cup. A few minutes later and we were inside and drinking yummy beverages at Madison and 36th. By then we were pretty tired and winding down, and the sun was setting, so we went up to 51st Street where we needed to be to meet the bus, walked around looking for someplace to grab dinner, and ended up at Primeburger, which is a random lunch counter with weird seats and lights that were retro in a never-been-updated way, not a kitschy-on-purpose way. We had a wisecracking Russian waiter who said "Okely-dokely" and was pleased when we knew he was imitating Flanders.
The drive home was insanely long. The ninnies were all comparing how little they paid for their Canal Street knockoffs: Rolexes sold out of briefcases, David Yurman bracelets, Tiffany rings, Coach and Louis Vuitton and Burberry and Gucci handbags. Knockoffs burn me. Thanks for funding terrorist and drug activity!
Anyway, we watched the Shawshank Redemption, which killed the first two hours nicely, but then I was trying to sleep and couldn't because then they put on the Last Samurai, which, if you haven't seen it, sounds like this: CANNON FIRE! GUNSHOTS! PEOPLE BEING STABBED WITH SWORDS! HORSES WHINNYING IN TERROR! LOUD, DRAMATIC MUSICAL SCORE!
We finally got home at 11:40. My contacts were dry and burning. It was freezing cold and I put the ass-warmers on high. I dropped my friend home, walked in at midnight to find Joe sleeping on the couch, and was in bed by 12:05. So, I had fun, but from now on I'd rather stay overnight and take the train home.
The whole way down we had these people behind us talking endlessly about cars: Corvettes, Mustangs, putting their midlife-crises in winter storage, blah blah blah. They had the same conversation three separate times and didn't even notice. Then there was a 9-year-old girl sitting in front of us, somebody's granddaughter, and we traumatized her by putting on Animal House. I forgot exactly how raunchy it was until they busted out the giant dildo.
We arrived in the city just before noon. My friend and I took off for the subway and went down to 23rd Street to the new Comfort Diner. The new one is pretty big and serves alcohol. We had brunch, yummy omelets and fruit. Then we walked down Broadway to Union Square, stopping in Fish's Eddy, passing the farmer's market, and purchasing a socially conscious T-shirt for her husband. We jumped on the subway to Prince Street, went to Pearl River Mart, then pushed our way down Canal Street to the train again. We were almost in no-man's land, that TriBeCa area where there are no subways, and I was starting to see signs for the West Side highway, but the 9 was there and we took it back up to 14th Street. We walked the long tunnel to the F train and went up to 34th Street to go to Macy's. Macy's was a zoo, a horrible, writhing ant farm of humanity, and we wanted to escape pretty much as soon as we got there. So we walked east on a side street until we saw a guy with a Starbucks cup. A few minutes later and we were inside and drinking yummy beverages at Madison and 36th. By then we were pretty tired and winding down, and the sun was setting, so we went up to 51st Street where we needed to be to meet the bus, walked around looking for someplace to grab dinner, and ended up at Primeburger, which is a random lunch counter with weird seats and lights that were retro in a never-been-updated way, not a kitschy-on-purpose way. We had a wisecracking Russian waiter who said "Okely-dokely" and was pleased when we knew he was imitating Flanders.
The drive home was insanely long. The ninnies were all comparing how little they paid for their Canal Street knockoffs: Rolexes sold out of briefcases, David Yurman bracelets, Tiffany rings, Coach and Louis Vuitton and Burberry and Gucci handbags. Knockoffs burn me. Thanks for funding terrorist and drug activity!
Anyway, we watched the Shawshank Redemption, which killed the first two hours nicely, but then I was trying to sleep and couldn't because then they put on the Last Samurai, which, if you haven't seen it, sounds like this: CANNON FIRE! GUNSHOTS! PEOPLE BEING STABBED WITH SWORDS! HORSES WHINNYING IN TERROR! LOUD, DRAMATIC MUSICAL SCORE!
We finally got home at 11:40. My contacts were dry and burning. It was freezing cold and I put the ass-warmers on high. I dropped my friend home, walked in at midnight to find Joe sleeping on the couch, and was in bed by 12:05. So, I had fun, but from now on I'd rather stay overnight and take the train home.
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