I may not have graduated magna cum laude...

... but I am definitely more creative than the dimwitted egomaniacs on the Apprentice. That show is slowly pissing me off since every single task is about marketing some product for some corporate partner, but I still watch it. Last night the apprenti had to come up with a 30-second movie (a.k.a. commercial, you jargon-speaking fuckers!) for Dove body wash. One was dubbed "vegetable porn" and the other was "disgusting." Nobody won and Kristen the bitch was finally fired. Joe and I had a 5-minute minute conversation after the show where we came up with 84 ideas that were a million times better than the vomit they produced. Here's the one I liked:

A girl is walking her dog in a park in the city. It's summer. She looks rushed and has a bunch of bags because she was doing errands. Accidentally she drops her dog's leash and he runs away and jumps into a huge fountain. He won't come when she calls him and she can't reach him. So she has to go into the fountain and get him. She's going to get soaked, so she gets an idea-smile on her face and takes a bottle of Dove body wash out of one of her bags. She gets in the fountain, bathes in the spray, whatever. Then it cuts to her walking back home, holding the leash, but she's wearing a pink bathrobe and a towel on her head and she looks happy and refreshed.

I'm no Donny Douche, but I think that's pretty clever at ten p.m.