The Pepper Air Phenomenon

Poor Ignorant Fool: What the fuck is "pepper air"?
Me: It's the noxious smell given off by cooked green peppers.
PIF: What? Peppers are good!
Me: Not to me.
PIF: How can you not like green peppers?
Me: I think they taste gross.
PIF: What about non-green ones?
Me: Some of them are okay, depending on what kind, what they're in, and how big the pieces are.
PIF: All peppers are awesome.
Me: Okay, I get it, you've established your position.
PIF: I especially like peppers on pizza.
Me: Gag.
PIF: You can't even handle peppers on pizza? You just pick em off.
Me: Are you kidding me?
PIF: What?
Me: You can't just pick them off. The slice still tastes like pepper.
PIF: Well, what if it was half and half, with peppers only on one side?
Me: Sorry, not good enough.
PIF: Why not?
Me: PEPPER AIR.
PIF: But the peppers aren't touching anything that will touch your tongue!
Me: Doesn't matter. The pepper air ruins the entire pie.
PIF: Wha... how?
Me: Because the box acts like an incubator, keeping the peppers warm and allowing their nasty essence to permeate every molecule of crust, sauce and cheese.
PIF: You're crazy. I can't taste the difference.
Me: That's because you like peppers. Even if you could tell, you wouldn't be repelled by the taste.
PIF: [thinks] Let's assume you're right. Does the theory apply only to pizza, does it extend to calzones, what?
Me: Calzones, interestingly, are exempt. The dough acts as a protective shield. Although I can't tell you what might happen if two calzones were left together in a warming box for an extended period of time.
PIF: God forbid we should ever find out.
Me: Exactly. The theory does, however, apply to omelets. Can't enjoy a cheese omelet if an omelet with peppers was recently prepared on the same cooking surface.
PIF: All this talk about peppers is making me want a pepper and onion pizza with a side Casear. Aren't Caesars the best? Don't you love the extra-crunchy Romaine spines? They're sooooooo gooooood.
Me: Get out.